DEAR SUNO, REGARDING YOUR BEHAVIOR (FORMAL COMPLAINT MIX)

Spoken-word comedy, one expressive male narrator in a natural stand-up cadence, dry and increasingly frustrated before ending completely calm; brushes, upright bass, and piano shift by section through dusty boom-bap, dark spy jazz, cinematic metal, classical strings, deep reggae dub, fast funk breakbeat, tense techno, and a huge orchestral action score; hard cuts, pauses, punchline stings, clean deep sub, then quiet cocktail lounge returns; brisk, sharply changing groove

[ABSOLUTELY NO SINGING — SPOKEN COMEDY ONLY]
[ONE MALE SPEAKER THROUGHOUT]
[OPEN — 1950s COCKTAIL LOUNGE, BRUSHES, UPRIGHT BASS, PIANO]

[MALE SPOKEN — CALM, DEADPAN]

Dear Suno.

Thank you.

The track sounds fantastic.

Second—

what exactly
did you think
I asked you to do?

I still have the prompt.

I wrote:

“Male voice only.”

Three words.

Halfway through,
a woman appeared.

I don't know her.

You don't know her.

She knew the chorus.

[LIGHT PIANO FLOURISH]

Lovely voice.

Not invited.

[MUSIC SWITCH — DUSTY BOOM-BAP]

Then we have brackets.

Beautiful invention.

They mean:

“This is an instruction.”

So when I write—

[MALE SPOKEN — MOCK SERIOUS]

Desert blues guitar.
Industrial drums.
Gospel organ.
Doom riff.

[PAUSE]

—I am telling you
what to play.

I am not giving the vocalist
four new lines.

And yet there he was,

performing “industrial drums”
like a dying man's confession.

[VINYL STOP]

Those were instructions.

[MUSIC SWITCH — DARK SPY JAZZ]

Then came pronunciation.

Same singer.
Same song.
Same word.

First verse:
one pronunciation.

Second verse:
we've crossed an ocean.

Final chorus:
the Philistines have developed
a third regional dialect.

[PAUSE]

Samson fought the Philistines.

We fought
“Philistines.”

Not the same struggle.

But ours cost credits.

[MUSIC SWITCH — CINEMATIC METAL]

Twenty more.

Again.

Twenty more.

Now the pronunciation is right—

but somebody sang
the production notes.

Twenty more.

Now the notes stay quiet—

but the outro dies.

Twenty more.

At some point
Samson stopped fighting
the Philistines

and started fighting
our monthly allowance.

[MASSIVE DRUM HIT]

He was losing.

[MUSIC SWITCH — ELEGANT STRINGS]

Then we wrote:

“All music stops.”

And do you know
what Suno did?

[BRIEF SILENCE]

It stopped
all the music.

[PAUSE]

We were furious
for about three seconds.

Then somebody noted:

that was exactly
what we requested.

[SOFT STRING CHORD]

Our attorney advised us
not to pursue the matter.

[MUSIC SWITCH — DEEP REGGAE DUB]

So now prompts
read like legal contracts.

Not:

“Music stops.”

Now it's:

“Full band drops out.
Brief silence.
Piano enters.
Organ enters.
Nobody leave.
The song is not over.
Please remain seated.”

[TAPE ECHO]

Remain seated...

[MALE SPOKEN]

Thank you.

[MUSIC SWITCH — FAST FUNK BREAKBEAT]

Then there's genre.

We say:

“Desert blues.”

You hear:

“Arena rock.”

We say:

“British.”

You discover Nebraska.

We say:

“No choir.”

Suddenly twenty-seven people
are behind the vocalist
having a spiritual experience.

[PAUSE]

Who hired them?

Nobody knows.

They're union now.

[MUSIC SWITCH — TENSE ELECTRONIC PULSE]

And somehow—

this is the worst part—

sometimes your version
is better.

That's irritating.

Now I sit there
with prompt and track saying:

“That isn't what I asked for.”

[PAUSE]

“Play it again.”

[DEEP SUB HIT]

[MUSIC SWITCH — RAPID ORCHESTRAL PERCUSSION]

So now we check:

Brackets.
Names.
Syllables.
Stress.
Vowels.
Voice routing.
Outro logic.
Character limits.

And finally—

“If Suno interpreted this
in the dumbest possible way...

what would happen?”

[PAUSE]

That question
has saved money.

[MUSIC SWITCH — HUGE HOLLYWOOD ACTION SCORE]

We have become:

Bracket Police.

Syllable Squad.

Pronunciation Patrol.

Department of Unexpected Choirs.

Office of Unwanted Guitar Fires.

Bureau of Songs
That Ended
Because We Literally
Told Them To.

[IMPACT CUT — FULL SCORE DROPS OUT]
[BRIEF SILENCE]
[MUSIC SWITCH — QUIET 1950s LOUNGE RETURNS]

[MALE SPOKEN — COMPLETELY CALM]

And still—

we keep generating.

Because every now and then
you ignore the map,

change the genre,

bend the cadence,

do something
we never requested—

and bring back
a track that makes us say:

[PAUSE]

“Okay.”

[LONG PAUSE]

“Keep it.”

[SOFT PIANO]

So, Suno—

this is not a complaint.

Technically.

It's a performance review.

Under strengths:

“Creative.”

Under weaknesses:

“Creative.”

Under communication:

“Reads brackets selectively.”

Under teamwork:

“Frequently starts
its own department.”

Under budget management:

[PAUSE]

“No comment.”

[LIGHT PIANO STING]

Overall:

Strong quarter.

Needs improvement
in following directions.

Excellent work
ignoring directions
when ignoring directions
accidentally improves the record.

[PAUSE]

Ridiculous sentence.

[SOFT UPRIGHT BASS]

We'll be back.

Of course we'll be back.

We still have credits.

That was your first clue.

[PAUSE]

Next time,
follow the instructions.

[LONG PAUSE]

Unless you have
a better idea.

[PAUSE]

If you do—

stay in key.

Pronounce the names correctly.

Leave the outro alive.

And for the love
of all things bracketed—

do not sing
the production notes.

[BRIEF SILENCE]

[MALE SPOKEN — VERY CALM]

That is all.

[SOFT PIANO BUTTON]

[PAUSE]

Actually—

one more thing.

[PAUSE]

Lovely track, though.

[FINAL PIANO CHORD]
[END — NO SINGING]

4859/7500

[ABSOLUTELY NO SINGING — SPOKEN COMEDY ONLY] [ONE MALE SPEAKER THROUGHOUT] [OPEN — 1950s COCKTAIL LOUNGE, BRUSHES, UPRIGHT BASS, PIANO] [MALE SPOKEN — CALM, DEADPAN] Dear Suno. Thank you. The track sounds fantastic. Second— what exactly did you think I asked you to do? I still have the prompt. I wrote: “Male voice only.” Three words. Halfway through, a woman appeared. I don't know her. You don't know her. She knew the chorus. [LIGHT PIANO FLOURISH] Lovely voice. Not invited. [MUSIC SWITCH — DUSTY BOOM-BAP] Then we have brackets. Beautiful invention. They mean: “This is an instruction.” So when I write— [MALE SPOKEN — MOCK SERIOUS] Desert blues guitar. Industrial drums. Gospel organ. Doom riff. [PAUSE] —I am telling you what to play. I am not giving the vocalist four new lines. And yet there he was, performing “industrial drums” like a dying man's confession. [VINYL STOP] Those were instructions. [MUSIC SWITCH — DARK SPY JAZZ] Then came pronunciation. Same singer. Same song. Same word. First verse: one pronunciation. Second verse: we've crossed an ocean. Final chorus: the Philistines have developed a third regional dialect. [PAUSE] Samson fought the Philistines. We fought “Philistines.” Not the same struggle. But ours cost credits. [MUSIC SWITCH — CINEMATIC METAL] Twenty more. Again. Twenty more. Now the pronunciation is right— but somebody sang the production notes. Twenty more. Now the notes stay quiet— but the outro dies. Twenty more. At some point Samson stopped fighting the Philistines and started fighting our monthly allowance. [MASSIVE DRUM HIT] He was losing. [MUSIC SWITCH — ELEGANT STRINGS] Then we wrote: “All music stops.” And do you know what Suno did? [BRIEF SILENCE] It stopped all the music. [PAUSE] We were furious for about three seconds. Then somebody noted: that was exactly what we requested. [SOFT STRING CHORD] Our attorney advised us not to pursue the matter. [MUSIC SWITCH — DEEP REGGAE DUB] So now prompts read like legal contracts. Not: “Music stops.” Now it's: “Full band drops out. Brief silence. Piano enters. Organ enters. Nobody leave. The song is not over. Please remain seated.” [TAPE ECHO] Remain seated... [MALE SPOKEN] Thank you. [MUSIC SWITCH — FAST FUNK BREAKBEAT] Then there's genre. We say: “Desert blues.” You hear: “Arena rock.” We say: “British.” You discover Nebraska. We say: “No choir.” Suddenly twenty-seven people are behind the vocalist having a spiritual experience. [PAUSE] Who hired them? Nobody knows. They're union now. [MUSIC SWITCH — TENSE ELECTRONIC PULSE] And somehow— this is the worst part— sometimes your version is better. That's irritating. Now I sit there with prompt and track saying: “That isn't what I asked for.” [PAUSE] “Play it again.” [DEEP SUB HIT] [MUSIC SWITCH — RAPID ORCHESTRAL PERCUSSION] So now we check: Brackets. Names. Syllables. Stress. Vowels. Voice routing. Outro logic. Character limits. And finally— “If Suno interpreted this in the dumbest possible way... what would happen?” [PAUSE] That question has saved money. [MUSIC SWITCH — HUGE HOLLYWOOD ACTION SCORE] We have become: Bracket Police. Syllable Squad. Pronunciation Patrol. Department of Unexpected Choirs. Office of Unwanted Guitar Fires. Bureau of Songs That Ended Because We Literally Told Them To. [IMPACT CUT — FULL SCORE DROPS OUT] [BRIEF SILENCE] [MUSIC SWITCH — QUIET 1950s LOUNGE RETURNS] [MALE SPOKEN — COMPLETELY CALM] And still— we keep generating. Because every now and then you ignore the map, change the genre, bend the cadence, do something we never requested— and bring back a track that makes us say: [PAUSE] “Okay.” [LONG PAUSE] “Keep it.” [SOFT PIANO] So, Suno— this is not a complaint. Technically. It's a performance review. Under strengths: “Creative.” Under weaknesses: “Creative.” Under communication: “Reads brackets selectively.” Under teamwork: “Frequently starts its own department.” Under budget management: [PAUSE] “No comment.” [LIGHT PIANO STING] Overall: Strong quarter. Needs improvement in following directions. Excellent work ignoring directions when ignoring directions accidentally improves the record. [PAUSE] Ridiculous sentence. [SOFT UPRIGHT BASS] We'll be back. Of course we'll be back. We still have credits. That was your first clue. [PAUSE] Next time, follow the instructions. [LONG PAUSE] Unless you have a better idea. [PAUSE] If you do— stay in key. Pronounce the names correctly. Leave the outro alive. And for the love of all things bracketed— do not sing the production notes. [BRIEF SILENCE] [MALE SPOKEN — VERY CALM] That is all. [SOFT PIANO BUTTON] [PAUSE] Actually— one more thing. [PAUSE] Lovely track, though. [FINAL PIANO CHORD] [END — NO SINGING]

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