Old Folks

Mama said to say nothin’ To keep my mouth buttoned When my words were mean or unkind Keep quiet, keep silent, keep your thoughts private Until you can say somethin’ nice Folks may wanna judge me, cuss me and snub me But I just gotta say it, gotta be true to me This really bugs me, so hate me or love me, I only have to answer to the Lord above me The fact of the matter is this ain’t no joke The fact of the matter is this ain’t so woke The fact of the matter is this ain’t no hoax The fact of the matter is . . . I hate old folks I hate old folks It ain’t no joke The older the old folk the more that I loathe Don’t think me evil or that I misspoke Don’t wanna offend, don’t wanna provoke The fact of the matter is I hate old folks They waddle through Walmart and block the aisles They shit in their pants and pretend they’re wise They run through signs and traffic lights They’re feeble and cripple and drive like their blind They wear bi-focal glasses and compression socks, Eat dinner at four and watch Matlock, They pay with checks in the grocery line Count out every penny to waste your time They bitch and moan and say, “Back in my day Men were men and we liked it that way” They can’t use their phones or work the remote They’re a heartbeat away from a fatal stroke They reek and they stink and their catheters leak They grunt and they groan and their old bones creak They trundle and shuffle, afraid they will slip Dig a hole out back if they break a hip Hunched and slumped, really quite gross They sit in their chairs and decompose They watch the weather and watch the Wheel Turn the heat to a hundred to avoid a chill I’m not gonna say they should all be shot Not gonna say, but that’s what I thought Why should we have to watch them rot? Just bury ‘em deep in an old pine box The fact of the matter is this ain’t no joke The fact of the matter is this ain’t so woke The fact of the matter is this ain’t no hoax The fact of the matter is I hate old folks The fact of the matter is I hate old folks I hate old folks I really really hate 'em