been on my hands and knees searching for the chard I threw Over the back wall when I swore that I was through And I meant it then Nah, I really did But fuck, it doesn't really matter when you feel like this Cold sweats, got the chills, feeling nauseated Until I get that in my system, I can't operate it Fell off the wagon off the planet somewhere off in space When orbiting my problems they don't look so bad from here, I'm staying You keep saying that "It's killing you" like I don't see Just wasting time, I'm praying to a God I don't believe And I just hope that you don't ever have to feel the way it feels When I decide to use 'cause I hate being alone with me And every time, I keep running through this tape To the end, like I know where this goes, but pretend That it won't this time Yeah, it's different, I'm in control I've got it handled When I need some help I'll let you know But I don't, I just let it pull me further south Getting faded, talking dreams but never leave the couch Never found a purpose, don't know what I hope to be But swore that I was born to be more than some amphetam fiend And I've been falling down 12 steps Rehabilitated twice, it didn't stick I guess Doctors think that they can fix me up with all those meds Maybe I just got some problems now that y'all don't get It's like I'm wading in the ocean Staring in the distance, I can't see where the shore is Crossed the line but I don't know when I did And I swear I wanna quit but I don't wanna stop, I'm just— Dopesick (Goes up then you come back down) Woke up feeling hopeless (I reach out but you're not around) I'm just dopesick (Goes up then you come back down) I woke up feeling hopeless (I reach out but you're not around) Yeah And I'm in a meeting talkin', I ain't touched the tina in weeks Like what's the point when I know meth is twice as cheap Twice as good and it'll take me down twice as low Prolly kill me twice as fast but lately I've been feeling so Bad that I welcome it, hurtin' me but helpin' and The only fuckin' people that I see are ones who sell me it I tried to give it up, I swore it off forever But what's the point of sober if your life ain't gettin' better, huh? The more that you ask, the more I withdraw, yeah The more that I do, the worse the withdrawals get The worse the withdrawals, the harder to stop that And mom asks, "Why the hell you ain't call back?" Yeah, up on the phone and the soul too Sick of people lookin' at me saying "I don't know you" They keep on talkin' but I'm barely even hearing them and Even when I brush the teeth I don't look in the mirror 'cause I can see the truth that's in the eyes That's a window to the feelings that I keep disguised Hard to differentiate with all the lies Manufactured in my head just to keep the actions justified It's like I'm wading in the ocean So far out that I can't see where the shore went And I can't live like this Swear I wanna quit, but I just can't stop I'm so— Dopesick (Goes up then you come back down) Wok
