[Intro | Void | deep restrained male vocal | sparse atmospheric bass | slow deliberate cadence] I remember the days Of being sick of feeling sick, Needing to feel better, Doing another dose. A miserable existence, Just trying to cope, Making it day to day, Dose to dose. A slave to a substance I chose for too many years. I know how far This path goes. A flowing river Or a stagnant pond Which one would you choose? When a craving hits now, I just sit still And don’t move. Or bubble my bong And forget what I was doing. Half-lotus, Folding the knees, Clearing my mind, Index touching thumb. Channeling little pieces of light, Addiction’s hold getting lighter As I sit still In the night. [Verse 1 | Mads | rapid-fire double-time flow | breathless delivery | heavy syncopation] Yeah, feeling sick again Swore the last time was the last time But look at me on a slip again Wish I was different, but it's always the same So strained a feeling of that withdrawal pain And all my friends, they don't understand It's been a minute since you've got a bag, maybe it wasn't that bad And you can just have one now And I'll be taking one balloon so high, I'll never come down So wake me when it's over, I gotta try to fix this I'll call you when I'm sober, or when I'm not resistant I'm sorry that you love me, I know you hate it Fucked up when I stopped being grateful and got complacent I'm only high cuz I been feeling this low And that's the only way to make it back to normal I suppose And I know you think I'm perfect but all of that's a facade And trying to hide how I been feeling is lonelier than I thought So put the bottle down, I really don't trust what I do I make the worst decisions sober, that's the fucking truth Cuz I don't take the first hit when I'm already blitzed I take it clear headed uncomfortable in my fucking skin You don't know what I've done I swear to god that if you did Then your heart would be broken into a million pieces Had it all but I lost it in a blink Afraid to ask for help cuz I'm afraid of what you think [Chorus | explosive anguish | desperate belting | dark minor harmony | layered vocals] Mama I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore And daddy, please forgive me for the drinks spilled on the floor To the ones who never left me, we've been down this road before I'm so sorry, I'm not sober anymore [Verse 2 | faster rapid-fire flow | aggressive cadence | escalating intensity] Yeah, and I'm just hoping for some happy in the end Trying to be a hero, I can't even save my friends You don't know where I'm at or where I'm going where I've been So don't try to pretend I've got an itch I'll never scratch but I'm going until I bleed Like who the fuck are you to tell me what you think I really need? Cuz I've awoken up a beast that never stops until it feeds And it's been eating me alive inside my dreams And I don't mean to make you nervous when you think of me Everybody is leaving me It's hard to find someone to relate with me on this frequency I'm sitting in another meeting on the west side Raising my hand again This was not the plan again Just sick of being sick What's that insanity? Like it'll be different this time but it's never different though And it doesn't happen quick, it happens gradually I never thought that life would be this fucking difficult Just got a feeling I'm losing and maybe that's a fact Maybe these feelings aren't things that I should treat as facts And it'll pass if you just try to let it go But you will never understand the way it gets when I'm alone no I don't know how to love, I swear to god that if I did Your heart wouldn't be broken into a million pieces Had it all but I lost it in a blink Afraid to ask for help cuz I'm afraid of what you think Can't do this all on my own You're never too far gone to come back home Can't do this all on my own You're never too far gone to come back home Can't do this all on my own You're never too far gone to come back home [Post-Chorus Breakdown | Void | deep restrained male vocal | sparse drums | low bass pulse | gradually building] Sitting in silence when cravings arrive, Giving in to them Only causes the pain to thrive. Fuel on the fire, The need for it Sparking from desire. When the flame arrives, I don't blow it out, I don't feed it— I sit in stillness And watch it slowly go out. I've made it this far, I can't go back. This mundane existence Beats the chaos I've seen before. Am I getting soft, Or am I stronger than before? I don't even know, But my heart hurts less Than when I walked back To the front lines Of the internal war. Ripped the top off a bag of crystals, Threw it at my mind's door— Instead, Sitting half-lotus, Zazen on the mat, Finding stillness On the floor. Can't do this all on my own You're never too far gone to come back home Can't do this all on my own I know how it feels but your never truly alone reach out and we can sit alone together at a distance Staring at the screens on our phones
