[Intro: fuzz guitar riff and pounding floor tom, spoken male, deadpan] Look. She's a great roommate. [Verse 1] I found her on a listing, second floor in Corktown She showed up at midnight with a trunk and a velvet gown She said, I work nights, in imports, I'll be quiet as a mouse Then she put blackout tape on every window in the house She never touches garlic knots, she never touches toast And the cat lives on the fridge now, and it hisses at her coat And there's nothing in the mirror when she's brushing out her hair But it's an old apartment, and the light is bad in there [Chorus: gang answers] But the rent's on time (rent on time) First of the month, in cash, in an envelope sealed with wax Rent on time (rent on time) I'm not asking any questions, I'm not checking any facts She don't eat, she don't age, and she don't do daytime But the rent's on time [Verse 2] She knocks on my door, and she waits till I say, come in Every single time, so polite, with a very pointed grin The landlord came to raise the rent, she looked him in the eye Now he fixes our sink on Sundays, and the rent went down, don't ask me why My buddy went out dancing with her, came home whiter than a sheet And he slept until Thursday, and he's smiling, and he still can't feel his feet [Chorus: gang answers] But the rent's on time (rent on time) First of the month, in cash, in an envelope sealed with wax Rent on time (rent on time) I'm not asking any questions, I'm not checking any facts She don't eat, she don't age, and she don't do daytime But the rent's on time [Guitar Solo: short and raw] [Verse 3] Halloween at the corner bar, there's a contest for the best A sexy nurse, a shark, two guys as one giraffe, you know the rest She walks in in a velvet coat, no makeup, no fangs, just her And the whole bar goes quiet, and the jukebox starts to whir And the judges give her first place, and a bottle, and a crown And she says, I came as nothing, and the bartender sits down [Breakdown: drums drop to floor tom] [Spoken: male lead] So walking home, I finally ask her. Are you, you know [Spoken: low female voice] Do you want your deposit back [Spoken: male lead] See you on the first [Final Chorus: gang answers] 'Cause the rent's on time (rent on time) First of the month, in cash, in an envelope sealed with wax Rent on time (rent on time) Best roommate that I ever had, and I sleep with my door latched She don't eat, she don't age, and she don't do daytime But the rent's on time [Outro: fuzz riff, gang shouts] (Rent on time) (Rent on time)
