It’s Monday and I’m in the worst crash I’ve had since I’ve been sick. The tinnitus is whirring at an unprecedented level and causing dizziness. It feels like I’m on a never ending merry go round of doom. The heart is kicking off like a kick drum in my chest keeping time with the shakes. What does it take to stop this? Please stop this, I’ll do anything. Tuesday rolls around and I haven’t slept for 3 days now. How? I’m so tired. My brain feels swollen and every fibre in my body is screaming. Is this a bad dream? I wish it was. There’s jackhammers in my limbs, and the shaking won’t stop. Fucking kill me, just die already. The demons in my head are winning and I just don’t care. How did it come to this? I’ve never been so sick Laying in my bed with the demons in my head Just take me away I didn’t write anything for Wednesday or Thursday. I was too sick and could barely lift my head off the pillow. Lucid dreams of falling and I can’t take it anymore. My muscles ache, my eyes shake and can’t think. Eating hurts and sitting up just makes me dizzy. My limbs are swollen and the headache is intense. Am I making sense? Everything I write is so intense and I get Em’s 2 cents and now there’s jehovahs at the door telling me to repent, I’m incensed at the intrusion so I shut the door, fall to the floor curl up and cry until there’s no more tears. How did it come to this? I’ve never been so sick Laying in my bed with the demons in my head Just take me away Just take me away It’s Sunday morning so of course I had to listen to the song by no doubt. The headache has intensified and I’m feverish. The shaking and heart palpitations now overtake my body. Why is this happening? Doctors can’t figure out the treatment and millions worldwide suffer through medical misogyny and misdiagnosis. This is real, it’s not in my head, I’m not having a panic attack, I don’t need anti psychotic drugs or a hug. I need answers. I want my life back the way that it was. But that will never happen, I have to accept that, I’m a refuse that, loser, painkiller abuser. I’m permanently sick and all the fight has left my body and I’m done. I’m just fucking done. How did it come to this? I’ve never been so sick Laying in my bed with the demons in my head Just take me away Just take me away
