Welcome to the Bureau, love — please take a festive seat, We handle all complaints about the elves and reindeer fleet, If Santa ate your pudding or reversed into your shed, Just tick the box that says, “He’s gotten weird,” in holiday-red. Oh, it’s Christmas at the Bureau! Where chaos fills the forms, We’ve categories for accidents, And reindeers causing storms, So if your tree exploded Or your tinsel caught a cold, Please file in triplicate — (Or do as you are told). A woman came in crying, “My nativity’s gone wrong! The baby looks like Elvis and the shepherds sing along!” We told her, “Ma’am, that’s normal— The King returns each year,” She left with a refund voucher And a festive pint of cheer. Yes, it’s Christmas at the Bureau! Where nothing’s going right, We’ve lost the list of Naughty And misplaced half of Nice, But don’t you worry, darling, We’ll sort it out by spring — Just keep your sleigh in neutral And don’t poke the angel’s wing. Now a reindeer ate the paperwork, An elf has gone on strike, The manager is hiding And we’re out of festive “like,” But still we hum our carols As the ceiling starts to drip — “Jingle Bells” sounds lovely During a bureaucratic flip! So raise a glass of cocoa To the holiday routine, Where nothing goes to schedule And half the lights turn green, But still we keep on singing Through disaster, mess, and doubt — ’Cause Christmas is much funnier When everything breaks down. Oh, it’s Christmas at the Bureau! Your nonsense warms our hearts, We thrive on holiday chaos And lost important parts, So join the festive paperwork, Come shout and laugh about — Merry Christmas, everyone — Now FORM A-12, please fill it out.
