[Intro: big beat breakbeat drops in, spoken] Results not typical Terms apply Hi I'm the fine print [Verse 1] Booth three on Olive Avenue in Burbank, foam on every wall Fourteen years at the end of every ad, I'm the last voice of them all The actor gets the mountain road, the red convertible, the wink I get the bottom of the screen in letters smaller than you think Pill commercial, couple on a dock, they're laughing at a lake There's a golden retriever, there's a sunset, then there's me, and I don't brake At the tire shop my ad comes on, the waiting room goes, who talks like that I'm in a plastic chair with vending machine coffee and I don't say jack Everybody in America has heard my voice a thousand times And not a single person ever listened to a line [Hook: group answers] Fine print (fine print) Last five seconds of the ad, that's me Terms apply (terms apply) Gone before your thumb can mute the TV Everybody heard my voice, but nobody listened Fine print (fine print), that's me [Verse 2] Monday's a sleeping pill, may cause you to drive while you're asleep Tuesday's a casino, twenty one and up, the odds are steep Wednesday is a pickup truck, the price is with approved credit Thursday is a sweepstakes, void where prohibited, forget it Friday is the lawyer, if you or a loved one has been hurt And at five I'm in the parking lot with salsa on my shirt They pay the actor by the second, pay me by the hour flat And they rerun my reads for fourteen years and never send a dime for that [Double-Time Switch: stacked, no commas] May cause drowsiness dizziness dry mouth and a headache and a feeling that you left the oven on Do not take with grapefruit do not operate a forklift do not take it if you're pregnant or a swan Offer only valid for the well qualified at participating dealers while supplies are going strong Not available in Alaska or Hawaii and your mileage may vary and the pictures may be wrong [Hook: group answers] Fine print (fine print) Last five seconds of the ad, that's me Terms apply (terms apply) Gone before your thumb can mute the TV [Breakdown: drums drop to a filtered break, spoken] Then the studio called Contract renewal Conference room B Bring a pen [Verse 3] Ninth floor, Mister Pratt, a gray suit and a forty page deal Slides it to me, says it's standard, nobody reads this, sign and seal Says the rate is going down this year, he's sorry, it's a lean one I say, sir, I never skip the bottom, it's the only part I've been on Then I flip to page thirty one, there's a clause in seven point type And I read it out loud at the only speed I've had my whole life [Chopper Burst: triplet bounce, flow switch] Clause fourteen says the talent shall be paid for every airing every market every medium and every spot You ran my reads in reruns fourteen years in every market on the map and you never cut a single check and that's a lot Section nine says penalties will double every quarter that you hid it so the number at the bottom is a big fat stack Sign it here initial here initial here and here and here and date it here and Mister Pratt I'm gonna need my good pen right back [Verse 4] Pratt says, could you say that slower, and I say, sir, I don't do slow Legal reads it twice, gets very quiet, and they call the CFO Thursday there's a check, and it's so big it's got an asterisk I tape it to the foam in booth three and I give the glass a kiss Fourteen years and not a soul has ever read the fine print Turns out the first man who ever read it was the man who reads it [Final Hook: group answers] Fine print (fine print) Last five seconds of the ad, that's me Terms apply (terms apply) Read it slow, read it twice, read it back to me Everybody heard my voice, and this time they listened Fine print (fine print), that's me [Outro: spoken, fast then slow] Paid in full void where prohibited not valid without me Terms apply
