[Intro: sarcastic rock riff, bluesy tone, male lead vocal with gritty delivery] [Male Vocal] [Verse 1] He’s rich and smells like money soap, Dressed by the IG queens and their TikTok clout. With quiet lips and calloused hands, A walking, breathing, manly brand. [Verse 2] He senses diamonds in her soul, Though sex and looks ain’t on his goal. He sees her truth through lashes fake, Then fixes sinks and hearts that ache. [Chorus] Oh, Mister Must-Do, you're heaven-made, With toolkits in your Escalade. From diamond eye to hammer hand, You fix her life, just as she planned! [Instrumental break: short blues guitar fill] [Verse 3] He lifts her couch without a sweat, And jogs upstairs with grand pianos — bet! Practiced martial arts since age of two, To knock out dudes in clubs on cue. [Bridge] He feels no pain, no breaks, no cuts, Chop off his legs? He walks on guts. He never drinks, or sleeps, or snores, And reads her mind through psychic doors. [Spoken Female Voice: sweet tone] "Oh babe, can you also fix my vibe and maybe repaint my aura?" [Verse 4] He polishes her rank in the dating game, While fixing lamps and guilt and shame. He’s florist-trained and color-wise, Can name ikebana with covered eyes. [Spoken Female Voice: slightly whiny, amused] "I mean, is it *that* hard to master bonsai and bake gluten-free banana bread?" [Verse 5] Drives like Bond, but better still, Can play guitar — on cue, at will. He wants a son, adores her crew, And never argues, even when true. [Chorus] Oh, Mister Must-Do, the saint of chores, With every skill the world adores. Opinionless, but quick to flip, Just change your mind — he’ll sink that ship! [Outro: dramatic rock swell, then dry male voice, half-spoken] So fellas, if you meet this freak, A spineless, smiling, servile geek… Don’t kill the dude — not yet, you see... Just wait a sec — and do it with me. [Outro: guitar flourish and ironic female laugh fading out]
