I think the worst part isn't losing you. It's realizing... I never really knew you. I remember how I used to check my phone, Hoping you'd be there, hoping I wasn't alone. I would think about the things that I could say, Try to make you smile, try to make your day. And I wasn't trying to be somebody else, I gave you the parts I kept to myself. I told you things I don't tell just anyone, I really thought that maybe you could be the one. I was careful with your feelings, gave you room, Never wanted you to feel like you had something to prove. God, I wish somebody told me back then That you can give somebody your heart and still not know them. And I keep going over everything you said, Trying to separate the truth from what I thought we had. Was I stupid for believing there was something underneath? Or did you know how much I meant it when you didn't mean a thing? I MADE YOU UP INSIDE MY HEAD! FELL FOR EVERY WORD YOU SAID! I GAVE YOU PARTS OF ME I'D NEVER SHOWN! NOW I'M BACK TO FEELING BETTER OFF ALONE! AND I HATE THAT I STILL MISS YOU! HATE THAT I STILL WISH IT WASN'T TRUE! YOU WERE SOMEBODY I THOUGHT I'D NEVER LOSE— BUT HOW CAN I LOSE SOMETHING I NEVER KNEW?! I wasn't asking you to promise me forever, I just thought we'd see what happened if we tried to be together. I was willing to be patient, let you take your time, Never knew that all that patience would be wasted on a lie. And now I second-guess the kindness that I gave, Wonder if I'm just a fool for being honest these days. Should I have played it colder? Should I never have been real? Is it always gonna cost me every time I let myself feel? I hate the way this changed me, I hate the doubt it brings, Now I question every compliment and every little thing. You made me feel so foolish for believing we could grow, But I can't hate the heart in me for wanting you to know— That I would've shown up. That I would've tried. That I meant every word. That I never played a side. And maybe you were never who I thought you were, Maybe I fell in love with what I hoped you were. But the feelings were real, even if the future wasn't there, And I'm the one left holding everything we never shared. I MADE YOU UP INSIDE MY HEAD! FELL FOR EVERY WORD YOU SAID! I GAVE YOU PARTS OF ME I'D NEVER SHOWN! NOW I'M BACK TO FEELING BETTER OFF ALONE! AND I HATE THAT I STILL MISS YOU! HATE THAT I STILL WISH IT WASN'T TRUE! YOU WERE SOMEBODY I THOUGHT I'D NEVER LOSE— BUT HOW CAN I LOSE SOMETHING I NEVER KNEW?! And the worst part? I don't even know what to hate. The person you showed me... Or the person I imagined. Because I swear, for a little while, I could see us making it. I could see the stupid little moments, The laughing, the talking, the ordinary days. I had a place for you in a future You never asked to be part of. And I feel so stupid for that. I GAVE YOU THE BEST OF ME HOW COULD YOU MAKE IT FEEL LIKE NOTHING?! I WASN'T PERFECT, BUT MY HEART WAS CLEAN! I MEANT EVERY WORD, EVERY LITTLE THING NOW I'M SCREAMING AT THE THOUGHT OF YOU! AT THE THINGS I THOUGHT WE'D GET TO DO! AND MAYBE I'LL NEVER KNOW WHAT WAS TRUE— BUT I KNOW I WAS REAL WHEN I CARED ABOUT YOU! I WAS REAL WHEN I CARED ABOUT YOU! GOD, I WAS REAL WHEN I CARED ABOUT YOU! I don't regret being kind. I just wish I'd given that kindness to somebody who knew what to do with it. And maybe one day... I'll stop feeling like a fool for having a heart.
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