[Intro] (Fast, cheerful, bright chicken-pickin' Telecaster intro over a bouncy 2-step train beat and rolling barrelhouse piano) (Gritty spoken baritone, sounding overly polite) Well, the preacher told me down at the chapel last Sunday... He said you got to forgive your trespasses. So I’m sending up some real special prayers for you and Jody. Hit it! [Verse 1] (Upbeat, catchy 2-step rhythm, walking bassline, bouncing acoustic guitar) I’m back from the sandbox, I’m looking real neat, Found out you traded my name for a guy down the street. Found his socks in my drawer, found his keys in the bowl, And the credit card bill is taking its toll! The preacher told me, "Son, you gotta let go of wrath, Pray for the sinners who strayed from the path." So I’m down on my knees every morning at dawn, Asking the good Lord to bless what you’ve drawn! [Pre-Chorus] (Snare drum builds rapidly, bright pedal steel slide) I’m taking the high road, doing what the pastor said— Just wait till you hear the prayers in my head! [Chorus] (Maximum catchy wall-of-sound energy, roaring guitars, shouting gang vocals) I pray your new minivan breaks down in the rain! I pray Jody’s back gives out loading a crane! I pray that your credit score drops through the floor, And his ex-wife moves in right next door! I pray every recipe you try to bake Turns into a concrete and gravel-filled cake! May your Wi-Fi be spotty, your coffee stay cold— I’m praying for you, honey, just like I was told! [Verse 2] (Fast driving rhythm continues, plucky piano fills) You thought I’d be howling and breaking the glass, Throwing a fit and making a pass. Nah, I packed up my dog and my 4x4 truck, And I’m leaving you both to wallow in muck! Jody thinks he got a prize and a brand-new wife, Enjoy the next thirty years of screaming and strife! He don't know about your mama’s recurring migraines, Or the way you clip coupons and drive people insane! [Pre-Chorus] (Snare roll, heavy guitar chug) I’m keeping you both in my nightly routine, The sweetest damn blessing you’ve ever seen! [Chorus] (Maximum catchy wall-of-sound energy, roaring guitars, shouting gang vocals) I pray your new minivan breaks down in the rain! I pray Jody’s back gives out loading a crane! I pray that your credit score drops through the floor, And his ex-wife moves in right next door! I pray every recipe you try to bake Turns into a concrete and gravel-filled cake! May your Wi-Fi be spotty, your coffee stay cold— I’m praying for you, honey, just like I was told! [Guitar Solo] (Blazing fast, wildly cheerful chicken-pickin' Telecaster solo trading off with honky-tonk piano and grinning pedal steel bends) [Bridge] (Halftime groove breakdown, heavy kick pulse, spoken baritone chuckle) (Laughs into the mic) Oh, I ain't bitter at all. In fact... (Guitar feedback rises) I pray Jody tries to assemble that flat-pack wardrobe without any instructions tomorrow morning! (Full drum roll launches back into double-time!) [Chorus 3 — The Mean & Merciless] (Full throttle, absolute wall of sound, venomous shouting gang vocals) I pray that your hair falls out chunk by damn chunk! I pray that his pickup gets towed off to junk! I pray you both step on a rusty-ass nail, And Jody gets framed and goes straight to state jail! I pray that your children start calling him "bro," And you wake up realizing what a sad joke you are, slow! May your teeth rot away and your bank accounts freeze— I’m praying for your utter misery on my knees [Outro] (Driving 2-step kicks into overdrive, wild Telecaster bends) God bless your little heart, Jody! Hope you love the maintenance payments! Hallelujah! (Big crashing finish on a G-major power chord, church bell tolling sound effect, and a satisfied truck horn honk)
