[Intro] Light the coals! Raise the flame! Nobody leaves here quite the same! Grab your forks and take your stand— Welcome to the BBQ of the Damned! [Verse 1] Old Lou arrived with a nervous grin They buttered him up and rolled him in Strapped to a spit above the heat Turning slowly, basting the meat His shoes caught fire, his eyebrows curled The cook yelled, “Best ribs in the underworld!” They glazed his back with pepper and jam Then carved off slices of smoked-up ham The crowd held plates and formed a line “Medium rare? Oh, he’ll be fine!” Lou tried to scream, but the chef just laughed And shoved an apple inside his mouth fast [Pre-Chorus] Hear that sizzling, hear that sound Dinner’s screaming all around Raise your glass and make a toast To whichever fool gets cooked the most! [Chorus] BBQ of the Damned! Throw another soul on the fire! BBQ of the Damned! Turn the heat a little higher! Charred and chopped, glazed and crammed Served up hot with a side of yam Grab your plate and lend a hand At the BBQ of the Damned! [Verse 2] Sweet Aunt May tried to run away But slipped in sauce on the buffet They stuffed her full of onions and rice Rubbed her down with smoke and spice They folded her into a roasting tray With carrots packed where her feet once lay The timer rang with a cheerful ding And everybody yelled, “Bring out the thing!” Next came Ted, who had talked too loud So they minced him fresh for the hungry crowd His fingers became ten sausage links His head was used for chilling drinks They ground his bones into barbecue dust Mixed with vinegar, grease, and rust Then painted it onto a rack of knees And served them up with melted cheese [Pre-Chorus] Hear that popping, smell that smoke Someone’s burning—what a joke! Raise the lid and fan the flame Every course has someone’s name! [Chorus] BBQ of the Damned! Throw another soul on the fire! BBQ of the Damned! Turn the heat a little higher! Charred and chopped, glazed and crammed Served up hot with a side of yam Grab your plate and lend a hand At the BBQ of the Damned! [Bridge] One poor fool was boiled in beer Another was skewered from rear to ear One got pressed into burger meat Then stomped out flat beneath the chef’s feet A screaming trio became kebabs Hung from hooks like angry crabs The flames shot up, the tables shook As something massive ate the cook! Now the guests all fled in fear But the hungry pit was drawing near It opened wide beneath the stand— And swallowed the whole BBQ of the Damned! [Breakdown] Burn! Baste! Chop! And grind! Leave no tasty parts behind! Smoke! Slice! Season! Slam! Turn that screaming man to ham! [Final Chorus] BBQ of the Damned! Now everybody’s on the fire! BBQ of the Damned! Flames are climbing higher and higher! Charred and chopped, glazed and crammed Nobody knows where the cooks have scrammed Every last guest has been sliced and canned At the BBQ of the Damned! BBQ of the Damned! Where the meat still begs and cries! BBQ of the Damned! Where the dinner never dies! Grab your fork and take a stand There’s fresh-cooked horror close at hand You came for food—now you’re the ham At the BBQ… OF THE DAMNED! [Outro] Keep the coals hot. We’ve got more guests coming.
