*[Intro – wailing 80s guitar solo melts into deep late night trance, 100 BPM]* "Y'know who I am? I'm fucking Adam! First man! Best man!" *[Verse 1 – hair metal swagger over deep trance]* I was the first, the original man, God's favorite boy, part of the plan! Now I lead the Exorcists in shining gold, Heaven's rockstar, never getting old! With my guitar and my halo bright, I bring the pain on Extermination night! Sinners tremble when they hear my name, Adam's here to win the game! *[Chorus – massive hair metal/trance drop]* Adam! (dam! dam!) The first man, goddamn! (damn! damn!) Heaven's hero, Hell's worst fear, The original dick is here! Adam! *[Verse 2 – the Exorcists]* My Exorcists fly in formation tight, Angelic warriors, ready to fight, Once a year, we cleanse the streets, To my holy drum, Hell keeps the beat! Lute's my right hand, loyal and true, She'd kill for me — yeah, she'd kill for you! We don't do mercy, we don't do nice, We serve it cold, we serve it twice! *[Chorus 2 – bigger]* Adam! (dam! dam!) Don't give a damn! (damn! damn!) With a golden mask and a guitar, I'm Heaven's brightest star! Adam! *[Verse 3 – Charlie and the Hotel]* Then Charlie comes with her stupid dream, "Redeem the sinners!" — bitch, please, you scream? Hell is forever, that's the deal, No hotel's gonna change how sinners feel! Lucifer's daughter, what a joke, Her little project's going up in smoke! I'll crash her party, steal her thunder, Tear her happy dream asunder! *[Verse 4 – the battle]* So we came down with fire and light, The ultimate Exterminator fight! I took on Alistor, that smug prick, Showed him who's got the bigger... guitar pick! The Hotel stood, the sinners fought, A lesson that I never taught: These demons had something real, Something even I could feel! *[Pre-Chorus – music softens, reflective]* But in the chaos... in the fray... A tiny maid got in my way... A little knife... a little scream... And just like that... I lost the dream... *[Chorus 3 – bittersweet]* Adam! (dam! dam!) Fell to a maid, goddamn! (damn! damn!) Stabbed by Niffty, what a way to go, Killed by a midget with a knife — oh no! Adam! *[Verse 5 – reflection from beyond]* Now I'm gone, but legends stay, The first man had his final day, Maybe Heaven wasn't what I thought, Maybe there's more than I was taught! So here's to sinners, here's to Hell, You fought me hard, you fought me well, Adam's gone, but hear my call: Rock on, you bastards — one and all! *[Final Chorus – epic, euphoric]* Adam! (dam! dam!) Forever the man, goddamn! (damn! damn!) First of men, last to fall, The biggest rockstar of them all! Adam! (dam! dam!) Heaven's band takes a bow! (bow! bow!) The original dick has left the stage — Adam's legend's all the rage! Adam! *[Outro – guitar fades, a whisper]* "...fuckin' Niffty..."
