Everyone's laughing, so I laugh A half a beat behind I keep the real thing in my throat Where no one's going to find They call me easy, call me still The one who never makes a scene But stillness is a held breath That nobody has seen Every face leans in to hear I feel my pulse climb The words rise to meet the light And turn back every time The real words sit behind my teeth Heavy like the sea I open up, and what comes out Is far from being me I weigh the eyes, I weigh the mouths I never weigh the cost Of every word I swallowed down Of every self I lost At night I say it all out loud Every word exactly right Then morning comes, the faces come And I fold it out of sight I know the sentence well I've carried it for years But my mouth has learned to answer To the faces and their fears Every face leans in to hear I feel my pulse climb The words rise to meet the light And turn back one more time The real words sit behind my teeth Heavy like the sea I open up, and what comes out Is far from being me I weigh the eyes, I weigh the mouths I never weigh the cost Of every word I swallowed down Of every self I lost Not every silence was a lie Some of them were grace But I never asked which ones were mine And which were fear in grace's place My lips part Then close again The room is warm I almost begin The real words sit behind my teeth Heavy like the sea I open up, and what comes out Is almost close to me Let it shake, and let it crack Let the faces look away One true sentence, small and late Still beats one more "okay" Still warm behind my teeth Waiting for its time
