I will never be the same ----------------------------------------------------------- >be me >The Jester >infinite, immortal, unkillable, the cosmic embodiment of “teehee, I cause problems” >have lived through countless cycles, shattered gods, toyed with reality itself >wake up in a new world >bright blue sky >fluffy clouds >music is suspiciously cheerful >immediate sense of unease >look around >colorful landscapes, adorable creatures, endless whimsy >oh no >OH NO >I know this place >sweat begins pouring instantly >this is the most dangerous place I have ever been >more dangerous than the Void, more dangerous than Nihilbrand swinging at full force >because HE is here >I turn my head >see him >the pink orb of oblivion >the destroyer of gods, the consumer of souls, the end of all things >Kirby >little bastard has killed gods that I would not [bleep] with just because they stole his food >he does all of it with a smile >if there is anything that can grant me a true death, it is Kirby >he sees me >his eyes widen with childlike joy >he starts waddling toward me >”Poyo!” >NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE >instantly flee at light speed >bend space, open wormholes, flip physics the bird >turn around >he is following me on his warp star, laughing and waving at me >oh god oh [bleep] oh god oh [bleep] oh god oh [bleep] >warp to another dimension >land in some horrifying, eldritch void where time has no meaning >I am alone >I am safe >finally, I can breathe >”Poyo!” >KIrby is here >how >how did he find me >he isn't even phased by this nightmare dimension >he is smiling >he thinks we are playing a game >panic sets in >throw hands instinctively >send out a ball of pure dark energy >he inhales >my attack disappears >I stare in horror >Kirby claps his little hands >”Poyo!” >I have seen beings consumed by the void >I have seen stars burn out and die >but I have never felt a true primal fear like this >this is it >this is how I die >not at the hands of a great warrior >not in some grand battle >but as a mid-afternoon snack for a happy little murder puff >one final act of desperation >drop to my knees >”PLEASE HAVE MERCY” >Kirby stops >blinks >tilts his head >then he giggles >reaches out and hugs me >”Poyo!” >… >he wasn’t trying to kill me >he just wanted to be my friend >collapsing in a heap >shaking >I HAVE NEVER KNOWN TRUE RELIEF UNTIL THIS MOMENT >Kirby grabs my hand and starts dragging me to a picnic with his friends >I am still recovering from my near-death experience >he hands me a sandwich >it is adorable >it is terrifying >I eat it out of fear >I live another day >but only because Kirby is merciful... >for now ----------------------------------------------------------- © 2025 The JesterMC
