[INTRO – LOW GUITAR HUM / DISTANT GAME AUDIO / GLASS SET DOWN] [MALE – QUIET] I know exactly what I’m doing. Like that makes it better…. I’m not having fun anymore. I’m just trying not to feel anything. [VERSE 1 – RESTRAINED / RAP-METAL DELIVERY] Wake up, work, come home, shut the door Controller in my hand before my shoes hit the floor Three hours gone, then five, then eight Tell myself one more match, look up, it’s fucking late Music loud enough to drown out my thoughts Same songs playing while I’m laying in bed Skip around, start over, turn it up again Anything to keep me from sitting with myself for ten minutes I know every trick I know how this works Give my mind something else to focus on So I don’t deal with what’s wrong And for a little while It fucking works [PRE-CHORUS – BUILDING] Another game Another drink Another body Anything Keep me busy Keep me numb Keep it going Don’t let it come back [CHORUS – FULL BAND] I KEEP PUSHING IT UNTIL I CAN’T Drink until I can’t anymore Play until I pass out mid match Turn the music up like my life’s lullaby Until it’s not enough any fucking more Touch somebody just to feel alive Then lay there staring at the ceiling again I know it’s temporary I know where this shit ends But if it gives me one more hour I’ll fucking do it again [VERSE 2 – HEAVIER] Sometimes it’s sex Not love Not even close Just wanting somebody near me So I don’t have to be alone with my thoughts Chasing that little rush That little break in my head Then it’s over They’re asleep And I’m wide fucking awake instead So I pour another one Grab the controller again Scroll through twenty games Like one of them might fix me tonight Put my headphones on Find something heavy Something angry Something louder than me And I already know Tomorrow I’ll do the same fucking thing [PRE-CHORUS] Another game Another drink Another body Anything Keep me occupied Keep me gone Just don’t leave me alone When this feeling comes back [CHORUS] I KEEP PUSHING IT UNTIL I CAN’T Drink until I can’t anymore Play until I pass out mid match Turn the music up like my Fuckin’ life’s lullaby Until it’s not enough any fucking more Touch somebody just to feel alive Then lay there staring at the ceiling again I know it’s temporary I know where this shit ends But if it gives me one more hour I’ll fucking do it again [BRIDGE – MUSIC DROPS / CLEAN VOCAL] What’s even more fucked up…. I still love all of it. Music. Games. Sex. A drink when I want one. But somewhere along the way I stopped doing any of it because I wanted to. I started doing it because I needed something between me and the silence. And eventually… even the things you love start feeling like work. [BREAKDOWN – SLOW / DISGUSTINGLY HEAVY] [MALE – LOW GROWL] SO I FORCE IT ONE MORE SONG ONE MORE GAME ONE MORE DRINK ONE MORE FUCKING ESCAPE NOT BECAUSE I WANT IT BECAUSE I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK TO DO WHEN THERE’S NOTHING LEFT BETWEEN ME AND MYSELF [HALF-TIME BREAK] I CAN’T GET DRUNK ENOUGH I CAN’T PLAY LONG ENOUGH I CAN’T TURN IT UP LOUD ENOUGH I CAN’T FUCK THIS FEELING AWAY [FINAL CHORUS – DESPERATE / LAYERED VOCALS] I KEPT PUSHING IT UNTIL I COULDN’T Drank until I didn’t wanna drink Played until I hated every game Turned the music up so fucking loud And still heard everything Held somebody just to feel alive Then couldn’t wait to be alone again I knew it was temporary I knew where this shit went But anything was better than feeling nothing again [OUTRO – INSTRUMENTS FALL AWAY] [MALE – EXHAUSTED] Now the controller’s dead. The bottle’s empty. The room’s quiet. And there it is. Still fucking here.
