Still Scared of Every Damn Thing

[Verse 1 – On the Job] Got a job that scares me delving deep headfirst in places vermin creep. Gettin' face to face with rats, roaches and spiders this fear makes me weep. Exterminator pay is mighty high, but if I die I pray the lord my bitch ass soul to keep. Boss said, “Man, you're a coward my guy but everyone quit and you're all that I got!” So I stood my ground shakin' wiping away all them tears and snot. Choking on fear I croaked, “Why did they leave? Are they sick or have they died? His silence invoked the coldest fear a man in my place could fuckin' feel inside. [Chorus] Working 9 to 5 and in constant fear just tryin' to stay alive. Hunted by the vermin I'm paid to ensure they don't survive. Rats the size of cats and roaches as big as my thigh. Oh hell naw y'all I'm so terrified and I'm afraid I'm gonna die. [Verse 2] First house I went, saw a roach on the floor I squealed so loud police came to the door. If I wasn't scared before a chihuahua sized spider scared me even more. I may be a pussy but I can confidently say I'm a much bigger lil' ass bitch. Livin' in terror covered in insulation and spider bites and boy do they itch. The boss hollered loud, “Son, you’re supposed to be sprayin', no more delayin” But I’m whisperin’ to Jesus every step of the way I'm a scared pussy dude prayin'. [Verse 2 – At Work Mayhem] In the crawlspace I reluctantly go, too damn horrified to be what you'd call brave. Heard a hissin’ and pissin' my cries of terror grew loud, this may be my mother fuckin' grave! I got startled and all I saw crawlin' was a big bulky hulk. I screamed shrill as fuck “Take my wallet, take my wife, take my ass just spare my life! " [Chorus] Working 9 to 5 and in constant fear just tryin' to stay alive. Hunted by the vermin I'm paid to ensure they don't survive. Rats the size of cats and roaches as big as my thigh. Oh hell naw y'all I'm so terrified and I'm afraid I'm gonna die. [Verse 3] I stepped on something creepy that felt like a big ol' sausage link. Before I had time to think I smelt that familiar stink. God damn... I done shit my britches in fear again, third time this week. Something slid down my leg I gave a shriek but sighed realized I just sprung a leak. Got a uniform soaked in the outcome of so many fears. Gettin' anxiety so bad I start to sob face covered in snot and tears. I trudged on my cares now gone but my fear still goin' strong. Finally I reached a door I reached for the knob but it felt wrong. False alarm my baby ass scared bitch self was just stuck feelin' despaired. If I weren't such a stupid lil punk bitch of a man I'd have come more prepared. I emerged from that vile crawlspace I delved in fear and quiverin' bowels. Too scared to ask anyone if they had any spare clothes or clean towels. [Bridge - Dinner Date Disaster] In a frightening tone my wife said, “We got plans, well I made them since you're too scared to do." Fancy restaurants just don’t make me feel safe it's scary watching hungry strangers chew. Sat down in a booth, candle flickered mean and I just pissed in my favorite slacks. It's crazy I'm still married or even alive with this constant fear and frequent heart attacks. The waiter pops in carrying out all our food and sees me flinch setting down my soup. He said, "Excuse me sir, but is it just me or does something reek like poop?" I studdered back, "N-no that must just be you or maybe the food." I don't think he bought it now I'm scared that I was being too rude. Saw some thing wriggling in my bowl so I lean in for a closer peep. It was a roach doing the backstroke and I fear it's why this place was cheap. I smelt something burnin' oh God the candles had caught my mullet! My hair was ablaze I panicked and ran feminine shrieks escaping my gullet. My wife put me out... of fire and of our big scary bed. Made me sleep on our man eating couch instead. Yeah I’m scared of the world, scared of my job, and scared of love too… But honey, I’m most scared… of bein' alone with you! [Final Chorus - Outro] Worked my 9 to 5 sittin' in my car dreadin' my afternoon. My last puddin' cup popped too soon and I swallow the spoon. My anxiety plagues my mind and my tremblin' now peaks. Last time my bitch ass sat tryin' to pass that spoon for weeks. Don't know what my wife will do when I scamper through the door. She threatened my life last time I swore it won't fuckin' happen anymore.