[Verse 1: Doom-metal male lead, slow and crushing over heavy drums and a downtuned fuzz guitar riff] Lenny never lifted nothin' in his whole entire life Never moved a couch, never carried in the groceries for his wife Never paid a round, never pushed a stalled car up a hill Every time we moved, he showed up after, just to eat his fill So he died on Halloween, 'cause Lenny loved a scare And the six of us who carried him, we figured that was fair He never lifted us, so we'd lift him one last time Six men and a box of pine and one long hill to climb [Hook: Doom-metal male lead, huge drums, fuzz riff, roared] All his life he never pulled his share of anything we bore Now he's dead weight on our shoulders, and he's heavier than before Six men on the handles, and the hill keeps gettin' steep Lenny, you were always dead weight, now you're dead weight for keeps [Verse 2: Doom-metal male lead, heavier, the riff grinding under every line] Halfway up the cemetery road, the box began to gain Like somebody packed it full of anvils, river rock and rain Tony's knees went first, and then Big Mikey's back went out And the priest kept walkin' backwards with his book and with his doubt Every step toward the hole, the heavier he got Every step back toward the bar, he'd lighten up a lot So we tested it, we turned around, he's light as Sunday bread Turn him back toward the grave, it's like we're haulin' lead instead [Hook: Doom-metal male lead, huge drums, fuzz riff, roared] All his life he never pulled his share of anything we bore Now he's dead weight on our shoulders, and he's heavier than before Six men on the handles, and the hill keeps gettin' steep Lenny, you were always dead weight, now you're dead weight for keeps [Bridge: Doom-metal male lead, casket set-down, six huge hits, one for each of us, the downtuned guitars ringin' out after the sixth] So we set him down, we set him down, we set him on the stones Six grown men breathin' hard around a dead man's heavy bones And we looked at one another, and we looked down at the pine And Mikey said "he wants a round," and Tony said "that's fine" So we turned and carried Lenny down the hill like he was air Kicked the door of Lou's wide open, set him by his favorite chair Six men round a table that we hadn't shared in years Every Lenny story told, and the box got all the cheers First thing Lenny ever carried, and he carried all of us Down the hill and through the door without a word or fuss Then at midnight, when it's over, the box got light as snow And we walked him up the hill, and this time Lenny let us go [Final Hook: Doom-metal male lead, huge drums, fuzz riff, roared] All his life he never pulled his share of anything we bore Now he's dead weight on our shoulders, and he's heavier than before Six men on the handles, and the hill keeps gettin' steep Lenny, you were always dead weight, now you're dead weight for keeps [End]
