DO NOT FEED THE BASS [Intro – Tiny Mechanical Noises] FEMALE: There’s a sign. MALE: What’s it say? FEMALE: “Do not feed the bass.” MALE: Feed it what? FEMALE: Exactly. [small wet squeak] MALE: ...it looks hungry. FEMALE: Bass does not look hungry. [deep growl] MALE: That sounded hungry. [Build] SYSTEM: Containment stable. SYSTEM: Bass appetite: increasing. MALE: I’ve got half a sandwich. FEMALE: Don’t you dare. [crumb falls] [Silence] SYSTEM: Feeding detected. FEMALE: You absolute idiot. [DROP 1 – RIDDIM] WUB-WUB-WUB! GRRRAAAH! LEFT! BWAAAP! RIGHT! SKREE-WUB! MALE: IT LIKES HAM! FEMALE: WHY WOULD YOU TEST THAT?! [Rubbery Bass Fill] BOING-WUB-GRRR! [Fake Drop] SYSTEM: Bass requesting... more. MALE: Knew it. [DROP] WET WUB! LASER! METAL GROWL! SUB! [Silence] FEMALE: Is it getting bigger? MALE: Technically we all are. FEMALE: Not helpful. [Tempo Alarm] SYSTEM: DIGESTIVE INSTABILITY. 150... 160... 174. MALE: What did you put in that sandwich? FEMALE: RUN. [DROP 2 – FILTHY DNB] BREAKS! REESE! WOBBLE! GRRRAH-GRRRAH! Rolling sub tears underneath machine-gun drums. WUB-WUB-BRRAAP! [DOUBLE-TIME BURST] DUGADUGADUGADUGA— [Silence] MALE: It’s digesting in 174. FEMALE: That sentence should not exist. [Psychedelic Breakdown] bubble boing [backwards chewing] MALE: Is the room melting? FEMALE: No. MALE: Why is the chair purple now? FEMALE: ...okay, maybe. [Build] SYSTEM: Bass fully fed. FEMALE: That sounds bad. SYSTEM: CORRECT. [FINAL HYBRID DROP] RIDDIM! WUB-WUB! DnB! BRRRRAH! REESE! LASERS! CHOPPED BASS! GRR-WUB-SKREE-BRAAAP! SYSTEM: CONTAINMENT LOST! BOTH: OH FUCK! [COLOSSAL FINAL HIT] DO! NOT! FEED! THE! BASS! [Silence] [tiny squeak] MALE: It wants dessert. FEMALE: Get out.
