[Intro – Male, Nasal Raspy Spoken] Yeah… I got a question. There are FOUR children in this house. But one of them is THREE. Noah? You’re good, little man. You need your mama. I’m talking about… THE OTHER THREE. Dylan. Dariel. Nomar. We need to talk. [Beat Drops Hard] [Verse 1] MOM! Where’s my charger? MOM! Where are my shoes? MOM! He took my hoodie! MOM! There’s nothing to do! MOM! What’s for dinner? MOM! The Wi-Fi’s slow! MOM! Can I have something? MOM! Where did my backpack go?! I’m standing right there, They walk right by, Straight up the stairs like I’m not alive! I know where the charger is! I know where your shoes are! But apparently Carmen is customer service for y’all! [Pre-Chorus] Three growing boys, Three different screams, Everybody calling Carmen for seventeen things! One needs a ride, One can’t find a sock, One is yelling “MOM!” from the second damn floor! Meanwhile Noah’s three years old… WHAT’S YOUR EXCUSE?! [Chorus] MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! ALL DAY LONG! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! WHAT DO Y’ALL WANT?! She’s in the kitchen— “MOM!” She’s doing laundry— “MOM!” She just sat down— “MOOOOOOOM!” OH COME ON! Give that woman FIVE DAMN MINUTES! Noah gets a pass! HE’S THREE! But Dylan, Dariel, Nomar… EXPLAIN YOURSELVES TO ME! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! [Beat Drops] [Verse 2] One boy walks past me, goes up the stairs, Finds Carmen folding laundry and asks her where something is. BRO! YOU WALKED PAST ME! I was sitting downstairs! You climbed an entire staircase to ask your mother WHERE?! So next time I try helping— “It’s in the drawer.” “You’re not my dad.” [Music Stops] Oh. Okay. But five minutes later when the Wi-Fi goes down— WHO YOU CALLING NOW?! [Beat Drops] That’s what I thought! Password don’t work? Now you know my name! Need something fixed? Now we’re suddenly friends! But if I say, “Clean your room,” Everybody forgets that I exist again! Amazing. Absolutely amazing. [Chorus] MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! ALL DAY LONG! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! WHAT DO Y’ALL WANT?! Need a ride— “MOM!” Can’t find it— “MOM!” Don’t wanna look— “MOOOOOOOM!” LET HER LIVE! Give that woman FIVE DAMN MINUTES! Noah needs his mama, That’s what little kids do! BUT THE OTHER THREE? YOU GOT WORKING LEGS TOO! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! [Bridge – Beat Strips Down] Hold up. New rule. Noah? You’re exempt. You’re three. Continue being King. The other three? For five minutes… Nobody says “Mom.” You need something? Figure it out. Or… God forbid… Ask me. [Silence] Wow. Peace. Look at that. We made it six seconds. [Male – Imitating Older Boy] “Where’s Mom?” [Male] NO! I’M RIGHT HERE! [Male – Imitating Older Boy] “You’re not my dad.” [Long Pause] [Male] Then FIND YOUR OWN CHARGER! [Beat Drops Hard] [Verse 3] Dylan got questions, Dariel got more, Nomar needs something before I reach the door. Can’t find it? Mom. Can’t reach it? Mom. Don’t know? Mom. Didn’t even look? MOM! THAT’S THE ONE! You didn’t even TRY! You stood in the middle of the room and yelled her name! Meanwhile Carmen keeps moving, Doing what she does, Because every one of these boys knows exactly who she loves. Then nine o’clock comes, House finally winds down, Last little “Mom” starts losing its sound. And somewhere in that silence, Carmen finally sits… Until somebody upstairs yells— “MOM, WHERE’S MY—” [Male] NO! GO FIND IT! [Final Chorus] MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! HERE WE GO AGAIN! MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! IT NEVER ENDS! Dylan— “MOM!” Dariel— “MOM!” Nomar— “MOOOOOOOM!” Give that woman FIVE DAMN MINUTES! She’s Superwoman, But she’s human too! Noah gets a pass! THE REST OF YOU— FIGURE SOMETHING OUT! And if I try to help and you don’t like what I said— “You’re not my dad!” FINE! GO ASK YOUR— [Beat Cuts] Nope. She’s resting. GO FIND IT YOURSELF! [Beat Drops Hard] MOM! MOM! MOM! MOM! [Outro – Male, Spoken] Carmen… Don’t move. I got this. [Pause] Probably. [Outro – Spoken Female (Carmen)] Kids… if you hear circus music playing, that means the Ringmaster is busy… making another song about you. Stay in your rooms.
