I can quit whenever I want. I don’t want to. Three in the morning, pulled in for gas Saw purple in the cooler and walked right past the pump Steve said, “Man, you were here an hour ago” I said, “Shut the fuck up, Steve.” One for the drive and two for the stash One in the cupholder rolling around from last week I know that sound when it hits the floor I’ve pulled over twice to make sure it didn’t leak I tried to cut back Made it to noon Then I heard that cooler Humming my tune Voodoo in my left hand! Mountain Dew in my right! I came here for gas at midnight Now the sun’s up outside! I don’t have a problem! I have a preferred supplier! Steve, unlock the cooler And keep your fucking mouth shut! Bought a case on Monday, called it “planning ahead” By Tuesday morning, all the evidence was gone My doctor said, “Try water.” I bought a bottle for it Filled it up with Dew and brought it to my job Came home to find my family sitting on the couch With every empty can they’d dug out of the house I said, “Who told you?” Mom held up her phone A picture of me at the cooler. Steve took it on his own. That two-faced little bastard Rang me up and ratted me out I said, “I’m never going back there!” ...Unless the grape runs out. I tried to quit cold turkey I made it half a day Then Steve called up and whispered “We got Voodoo Grape.” Voodoo in my left hand! Mountain Dew in my right! I came here for gas at midnight Now the sun’s up outside! I don’t have a problem! I have a preferred supplier! Steve, unlock the cooler You two-faced fucking liar! No grape. No Dew. Steve’s on break. What the fuck do I do? Steve: “Check the bottom shelf.” OH, THANK GOD! Voodoo in my left hand! Mountain Dew in my right! I came here for gas at midnight Now the sun’s up outside! I don’t have a problem! I have a preferred supplier! Steve, unlock the cooler You two-faced fucking liar! Steve: says “You gonna buy gas this time?” MIND YOUR BUSINESS, STEVE! ...Shit. Sorry, Steve. Put ten on pump two.
