[Intro – Spoken] Ladies and gentlemen, gather round the place, There’s a little man from Maitland with a very special face! He’s not a millionaire, he’s not a superstar… But give him five minutes and he’ll tell you that he are! [Verse 1] There once was a bloke from Maitland way, Who’d talk underwater if he had something to say, A little green wizard with a mischievous grin, You’d need a magnifying glass to see the little bloke grin! He’s short in the legs but he’s long on the chat, With a head full of stories to match that, He struts through the room like the king of the town, Though he needs a step ladder just to look people down! [Pre-Chorus] He’s got a smile that’s a work in progress, A beard that could use its own postcode address, And a belly that arrives about five minutes before, Then Richy walks in and starts talking some more! [Chorus] Oh, Richy! Richy! Not so rich! Big on the talk, but a little bit glitch! Here today, gone tomorrow, Always got a tale and a bit of bravado! Oh, Richy! Richy! What’s your excuse? You’ve got more carry-on than a travelling goose! We give you stick, but we love you a lot, You’re our favourite little walking-talkie-talk! [Verse 2] His teeth have retired, they’ve packed up and fled, The ones that remain look like they’ve been through a shed, His beard’s got a life of its own, it’s true, You could braid it three times and still have some through! He stomps round the place like a tiny tornado, With the temper of a toddler and the charm of a potato, One minute he’s missing, the next he’s on show, And when Richy turns up, mate, you KNOW, you KNOW! [Pre-Chorus] He’ll crack a complaint, he’ll put on a show, He’ll tell you a story that nobody needs to know, But put him with a customer, watch him transform, Suddenly he’s charming, professional and warm! [Chorus] Oh, Richy! Richy! Not so rich! Big on the talk, but a little bit glitch! Here today, gone tomorrow, Always got a tale and a bit of bravado! Oh, Richy! Richy! What’s your excuse? You’ve got more carry-on than a travelling goose! We give you stick, but we love you a lot, You’re our favourite little walking-talkie-talk! [Bridge – Half-time, crowd clapping] But hold on a minute, let’s give credit where it’s due, When it comes to customers, there’s nobody quite like you! You can charm the grumpiest, turn a frown around, You’re the best bloody salesman for miles around! Now you’re moving on to the next chapter of your life, More time for your hobbies… and your long-suffering wife! She deserves a medal, a holiday, a cruise, And a lifetime supply of noise-cancelling shoes! [Spoken – Dramatic pause] Richy, mate… we’ve got one last thing to say… [Final Chorus – BIG, LOUD, EVERYONE SINGING] Oh, Richy! Richy! Not so rich! Small little fella with a great big pitch! Here today, gone tomorrow, Leaving us laughing, with no time for sorrow! Oh, Richy! Richy! You’re one of a kind! A customer legend with a questionable mind! We’ll miss your carry-on, your stories, your chat, And that magnificent beard… what’s living in that?! [Outro – Chanting] Richy! Richy! Not so rich! Richy! Richy! You cheeky little glitch! We give you stick, but here’s the truth… The place won’t be the same without you! (Spoken, as the music stops) “Now shut up, Richy… and buy us a drink!
