[Intro – Cinematic Sass] This is it. The final one twenty. And somehow… you still made the list. [Verse 1 – Last 60 Icks, Let’s Go] Don’t serenade pets with autotune Don’t call Cheetos “crunchy moons” Don’t say “teehee” while angry Don’t name your fists “nightmare candy” Don’t sleep with socks and sandals Don’t say “this slaps harder than scandal” Don’t wear cargo shorts to a wedding Don’t call your breakup “character shedding” Don’t meow on FaceTime Don’t label your vibes as “vine time” Don’t say “pardon my riz” Don’t call Crocs “drip for the biz” Don’t hiss at waiters for fun Don’t flirt by saying “do you run?” Don’t lick frosting from knives Don’t scream “YOLO!” during high fives Don’t dab in slow motion Don’t say “oopsie” with emotion Don’t bark when you’re anxious Don’t use air horns mid-sentence Don’t call Wi-Fi “soul juice” Don’t lie about knowing Zeus Don’t shout “vibe check!” at babies Don’t own cologne called “Maybe” Don’t sniff your hoodie and moan Don’t cry when GameStop is closed Don’t name your bruises “proof” Don’t say “slayage” in a business booth Don’t whisper “pickle juice” in the gym Don’t say “not the vibes!” on a whim Don’t bring a kazoo to therapy Don’t call your fan “air mommy” Don’t twerk at the DMV Don’t say “flexin’ for Jesus, B” Don’t yell “Based!” in prayer Don’t name your gut “The Lair” Don’t comment “this my era” Under pics of salsa and mascara Don’t slap thighs before runs Don’t shout “we ball!” at nuns Don’t yell “Pikachu!” as defense Don’t say “it’s giving… cents” Don’t do finger guns at cops Don’t eat shrimp straight from your Crocs Don’t call soup “liquid lore” Don’t say “m’lady” and hold the door Don’t nickname your AirPods “truth bombs” Don’t cry to dubstep love songs Don’t own a cape that lights up Don’t whisper “zoomies” during touch Don’t pose like Naruto in pics Don’t say “yoinky sploinky” for kicks Don’t gargle your laugh Don’t say “I’m her” post-bath [Hook – Grand Finale Variation] ✦ You made it to the final list ✦ Still weird, still can’t be kissed Red flags wrapped in ick and mist You’re the cringe I almost missed You ick me out — final boss unlocked Vibe so cursed, I changed my locks If being icky was a sport You’d win gold, then snort [Verse 2 – The Last 60 Icks EVER (for now)] Don’t say “drip mode active” and spin Don’t send Bitmojis with a grin Don’t sleep with stuffed pickles Don’t refer to snacks as “nickels” Don’t microwave eggs in plastic Don’t say “broke but bombastic” Don’t air guitar on the subway Don’t yell “W-rizz!” mid foreplay Don’t cosplay your dentist Don’t say “I’m healed” when you’re pissed Don’t call your belly “the mood orb” Don’t call running “leg sword” Don’t quote Gollum during dates Don’t slap meat in grocery crates Don’t say “I’m vibing violently” Don’t name your group chat “Deezinity” Don’t yell “LEGEND” when you sneeze Don’t say “you feel like string cheese” Don’t kiss mirrors before bed Don’t call pain “brain bread” Don’t save your boogers “just in case” Don’t bring socks to a pillowcase race Don’t rap your apologies Don’t eat beans in a wineglass, please Don’t name your gut “Yeehaw” Don’t call your breakups “rawwr law” Don’t write poems on receipts Don’t DM yourself old tweets Don’t own lotion shaped like Shrek Don’t say “beep beep” when you text Don’t reenact your own birth Don’t call your toes “earth’s mirth” Don’t name your thighs “the clappers” Don’t call lotion “soul slappers” Don’t purr when you lie Don’t spell “fun” with three i’s Don’t say “this wine’s girlypop” Don’t name your forehead “the crop” Don’t flirt in pig latin Don’t say “no thoughts, just vibin’” Don’t hump air while you wait Don’t whisper “I’m fate” on a date Don’t cosplay your trauma in song Don’t yell “ballin’!” all day long Don’t wear a cape to court Don’t name your sweat “emotional sport” Don’t wear goggles to brunch Don’t chew ice like it’s a punch Don’t call elbows “huggin’ bones” Don’t scream “I’m him!” alone [Outro – Breathless Mic Drop] 600 icks. Zero excuses. If you’re still wondering if this is about you... …it is.
