[LYRICAL DIRECTION — Sassy modern country-pop, mid-tempo with a cocky strut, playful attitude, and strong country bite. ONE FEMALE LEAD sings every sung section. Smoky, twangy, confident, sarcastic, sexy, conversational female vocal with natural Southern attitude. She is irritated, NOT heartbroken. This woman has loved this man for nineteen years, knows every trick he has, and cannot believe he still thinks he can get away with pushing her buttons. Funny, sharp, flirty, dangerous, and human. Add spoken attitude, little scoffs, laughs, pauses, and eye-roll energy. Banjo and fiddle stay loud and active, constantly answering each other like they are having their own argument. NO MALE SINGING. Male voice appears ONLY as spoken dialogue in the outro.] [INTRO — FEMALE SPOKEN, dry and irritated] Jim B… Nineteen years. Nineteen. And somehow you still wake up choosin’ violence. Bless your heart. [pause] [VERSE 1 — FEMALE] You been walkin’ round here mighty brave, For a man who oughta know me better. Wearin’ that grin like you ain’t done nothin’, Boy, you must be beggin’ for bad weather. You ask me, “Baby, what’d I do?” Oh, honey, pick a damn thing. After nineteen years beside me, You oughta recognize that look I’m givin’. [pause] [PRE-CHORUS — FEMALE] I love you— Lord knows that’s true. But loving you and liking you Ain’t always the same thing, boo. [pause] [CHORUS — FEMALE] You’re pushin’ it, Jim B, Better read the damn room. That smart-ass mouth keeps diggin’, Baby, you’re runnin’ outta room. I ain’t packin’ up, I ain’t leavin’ tonight, But after nineteen damn years, You already know I bite. Yeah, I love your crazy ass, But hear me while you can— You’re pushin’ it, Jim B… And I’m runnin’ outta give-a-damn. [pause] [VERSE 2 — FEMALE] Now you know when I get quiet, That ain’t peace you’re lookin’ at. That’s me replayin’ every dumb-ass sentence You just stacked back-to-back. Then here you come with, “Are you mad?” Boy, do you enjoy your life? You’re standin’ in a kitchen full of gasoline Ask’n why I’m holdin’ a light. [pause] [SHORT BREAK — FEMALE SPOKEN] No, baby. I’m fine. Absolutely fine. Go ahead. Say one more thing. I dare you. [pause] [CHORUS — FEMALE] You’re pushin’ it, Jim B, Better read the damn room. That smart-ass mouth keeps diggin’, Baby, you’re runnin’ outta room. I ain’t packin’ up, I ain’t leavin’ tonight, But after nineteen damn years, You already know I bite. Yeah, I love your crazy ass, But hear me while you can— You’re pushin’ it, Jim B… And I’m runnin’ outta give-a-damn. [pause] [VERSE 3 — FEMALE, smug and playful] You know exactly which damn buttons You ain’t supposed to touch. Then you walk right over smiling And press every single one at once. And somehow when I start fussin’, You look shocked like, “What’d I say?” Baby, if stupidity burned calories, You’d disappear today. [pause] [FEMALE SPOKEN — laughing] Don’t look at me like that. You earned that one. [pause] [BRIDGE — FEMALE, playful and confident] You’re lucky you’re cute, And I still like your face. Lucky nineteen years together Bought your ass a little grace. But grace ain’t unlimited, And patience sure ain’t free. So before that mouth starts runnin’— Think carefully. Real carefully. [pause] [FEMALE SPOKEN] And no… “You know you love me” is not an apology. [pause] [FINAL CHORUS — FEMALE, bigger, swaggering, amused] You’re pushin’ it, Jim B, Boy, you’re flirtin’ with the line. You keep testin’ this redhead Like you got nine damn lives. I ain’t throwin’ your clothes out, I ain’t changin’ no locks, But that pillow you’ve been sleepin’ on Might end up with the dogs. Yeah, you’re still my favorite headache, Still my favorite man— But you’re pushin’ it, Jim B… And I’m fresh outta give-a-damn. [pause] [POST-CHORUS — FEMALE, smug] Nineteen years, baby. You know the rules. You just keep forgettin’ Who wrote ’em. [pause] [OUTRO — SPOKEN DIALOGUE, TWO CLEARLY DISTINCT VOICES. MALE DOES NOT SING.] [MALE — cautious] Baby— [pause] [FEMALE — immediate] Nope. [pause] [MALE — trying again] I was just gonna say— [pause] [FEMALE — warning] That’s two. [pause] [MALE — very careful] I love you? [pause] [FEMALE — amused] Smartest thing you’ve said all damn day. [pause] [MALE] So… we good? [pause] [FEMALE — slow, dangerous, laughing] Jim B… Don’t ruin your comeback. [FEMALE LAUGH] [END]
