I woke up feeling peachy, just a-basking in the sun My brand new shiny Doomflangel was gonna be such fun But a tiny plastic widget snapped and tumbled to the floor So I called the toll-free number, thinking this won't be a chore Brrrng! Brrrng! AI Voice: Your call is so important! We are thrilled you're on the line! AI Voice: In a few short words, please tell me, how can I help you shine? I said I need a tech to fix my Doomflangel today The widget is defective and it’s getting in the way AI Voice: Got it! You want to cancel your subscription to Room Candle No, no, you tin-can moron, that is more than I can handle Honk honk! I took a breath and shouted like a lunatic on toast WID-GET. DOOM-FLAN-GEL. It's the part I need the most AI Voice: I'm sorry you are having trouble with your Wombat Sandal AI Voice: Have you tried to turn the animal off and on by the handle? AGENT! OPERATOR! Human being, if you please! AI Voice: Now reading forty minutes of our privacy decrees Pbbbt! AI Voice: Please hold while I check that information for you. Doo doo doo, doo doo doo, your sanity is slipping away Muzak humming softly Doo doo doo, doo doo doo, forever in the digital gray AI Voice: Your expected wait time is... forty... two... centuries. I said I need a tech to fix my Doomflangel today The widget is defective and it’s getting in the way AI Voice: Got it! You want to cancel your subscription to Room Candle No, no, you silicon sadist, that is more than I can handle Whoop whoop! What is your mother's maiden name?! the algorithm shrieks I'm trapped inside a menu loop for what feels like two weeks I'm weeping on the carpet, I surrender to the beast Boo hoo hoo, oh the humanity! AI Voice: I think you said you want to buy an angle-poise mantle piece? AI Voice: I haven't heard from you in a while. To save you time, I'll scram. AI Voice: I am closing out this chat right now. Goodbye from the program! Cheerful Ping! Click. Buzzzzzzzzz... Sigh.
