Alarm clock's screaming, I throw it at the wall. Missed it by a mile—I'm bad at sports and all. Coffee tastes like battery acid in a mug, Life's a cosmic dumpster, but I still need a hug. Rent is due, my socks don't match, Guess I'll call that "punk" instead of "a lack." Meteor's coming? Cool by me. I just bought concert tickets—classic irony. Hate me! Hate me! Get in line! Take a number—I've got plenty of time. Life's a joke with a lousy punchline, So I'm spending every borrowed dime. If the world's gonna end before I pay my loan... Guess that's the bank's problem, not my own! Boss says, "Be a team player!" Buddy, I'm barely a functional mammal. Self-help books keep saying "Manifest!" I manifested crippling existential stress. Love is great till somebody snores, Then you're debating separate grocery stores. The planet's doomed? That's kind of rude. I just learned how to cook decent food. Hate me! Hate me! That's okay! I probably forgot your name anyway. Life's a coupon that's already expired, But somehow I'm still weirdly inspired. If tomorrow explodes in a mushroom cloud, At least my playlist's really loud! We're floating through space on a giant rock, Arguing online at three o'clock. Dinosaurs lost to a stupid asteroid... And Dave from accounting still won't hit "Reply All" wisely. History's chaos, nobody's steering— Pass me another cheap beer, I'm volunteering. Hate me! Hate me! Make a scene! I've survived every dumb thing I've ever been. Life's absurd and the jokes are free, So save the apocalypse a seat for me. We'll toast the void with boxed red wine... 'Cause the end's got excellent timing. Curtain falls, lights go black. Hope somebody remembers to bring my jacket back. If nothing matters, that's just fine... More pizza for me. Thanks, divine.
