[Intro – Spoken, eerie carnival ambience] [Mr Denn] Good evening, ladies and gentlemen... Welcome to Bradbury Grove. Tonight, we're celebrating something special. Something this town desperately needed. Something nobody asked for. Something the health department specifically told us not to do. [Pause] Welcome... To Gary's All You Can Eat Boo-Fay. [Applause] And providing tonight's security... The man. The myth. The nutritional menace. HARASS-BERRY! [Harassberry – distant] NOBODY LEAVES WITH SUGAR! [Mr Denn] Excellent. Let's eat. [Heavy riff] [Verse 1] Grand opening night in Bradbury Grove Everybody came for the food Mr Denn stood at the entrance Saying, “Gary's in the mood” Red lights flashing by the lot Harassberry checking every plate “ANY SODA IN THIS BUILDING GETS CONFISCATED AT THE GATE!” Steve grabbed chicken Melissa grabbed rice Chad found mashed potatoes Said, “Damn, this place is nice” Gary stood behind the Boo-Fay Wearing that stupid grin Mr Denn raised the microphone: “LET THE FEAST BEGIN!” [Pre-Chorus] Gary leaned across the counter: “You wanna know the secret?” Mr Denn stared at the crowd. “Don't ask.” [Beat Drop] [Chorus – Huge Gang Vocals] GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! GRAND OPENING NIGHT IN BRAD-BERRY GROVE! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! PILE IT HIGH AND LET THE HORROR FLOW! CHICKEN! POTATOES! PICKLES! PASTA! HARASS-BERRY GUARDING EVERY TRAY! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! WELCOME TO BRAD-BERRY GROVE! [Verse 2] Melissa saw the coleslaw move Something shifted in the light She called over Mr Denn: “Tell me this shit ain't right.” Mr Denn stared into the bowl Then slowly looked at Gary. Gary said: “Fermentation.” Mr Denn: “That is not an answer.” Gary: “It's a lifestyle.” [Harassberry] STEP AWAY FROM THE SALAD! THAT DRESSING HAS TOO MUCH SUGAR! [Melissa] It's ranch. [Harassberry] EXACTLY! [Verse 3] Steve found the chicken wings Covered in a mystery glaze Gary said, “My signature sauce.” Steve said, “It tastes like haze.” Chad grabbed another plate Jessica went back for more Then somebody noticed something: There were footprints on the floor. [Pause] The footprints led directly... To the Boo-Fay. [Pre-Chorus] Mr Denn raised the microphone. “Gary...” [Pause] “Why are there footprints in the gravy?” Gary smiled. “Limited edition.” [Breakdown – Heavy] SERVE! REFILL! SCRAPE! STIR! SERVE! REFILL! SCRAPE! STIR! HARASS! PATROL! CHECK! THE! PLATE! [Harassberry] NO SODA PAST THE GARDEN GATE! [Mr Denn] Gary! [Gary] Yeah? [Mr Denn] What's in the stew? [Gary] “History.” [Mr Denn] That's somehow worse. [Drop] GARY'S! ALL YOU CAN EAT! GARY'S! ALL YOU CAN EAT! GARY'S! ALL YOU CAN EAT! BOO-FAY! [Verse 4] Then Gary rolled out the pesto In a bucket marked “DO NOT OPEN” Mr Denn read the warning label. “Well, that's encouraging.” Gary started listing ingredients: “Basil. Garlic. Oil. Cheese.” [Pause] “Belly-button lint.” [Entire Crowd] WHAT?! [Gary] “Artisanal.” [Mr Denn] Gary, we had a meeting about this. [Gary] “And I ignored it.” [Harassberry] I'M CALLING THE FDA! [Gary] “They already know me.” [Harassberry] THAT'S NOT RE-ASSUR-IN'! [Chorus] GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! PILE IT HIGH, THERE'S PLENTY ON THE PLATE! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! EAT IT ONCE, THEN EAT IT AGAIN! CHICKEN! POTATOES! PICKLES! PESTO! HARASS-BERRY GUARDING THE DESSERT! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! BRAD-BERRY GROVE WILL NEVER BE THE SAME! [Bridge – Atmospheric] [Mr Denn – spoken] Ladies and gentlemen... Please remain calm. There has been a minor... culinary incident. [Sirens] The health inspector has left. The fire department has left. The mayor has left. Harassberry is still here. [Harassberry] NOBODY IS LEAVING UNTIL THEY FINISH THEIR VEGETABLES! [Mr Denn] And somehow... He's still the least concerning person here. [Instrumental Pause] [Gary – whispered] Dessert? [Everyone] NO! [Gary] It's homemade. [Everyone] NO! [Gary] It's pudding. [Mr Denn] What kind? [Gary] Belly-button. [Mr Denn] ...I'm ending the Boo-Fay. [Harassberry] YOU CAN'T END NUTRITION! [Breakdown – Gang Vocals] WHAT'S IN THE CHICKEN?! DON'T ASK! WHAT'S IN THE SAUCE?! DON'T ASK! WHAT'S IN THE PESTO?! DON'T ASK! WHAT'S IN THE STEW?! DON'T ASK! WHO'S WATCHING SECURITY?! HARASS-BERRY! WHO'S RUNNING THE SHOW?! MR DENN! WHO'S MAKING THE FOOD?! GARY! WHO'S CLEANING THIS SHIT?! [Silence] [Mr Denn] ...Gary? [Gary] “Tomorrow.” [Final Chorus – Massive] GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! GRAND OPENING NIGHT IN BRAD-BERRY GROVE! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! EVERYBODY COME AND GET YOUR PLATE! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! PILE IT HIGH AND LET THE HORROR FLOW! GARY'S ALL YOU CAN EAT BOO-FAY! WELCOME TO BRAD-BERRY GROVE!
