[Lively fiddle and accordion intro] [Verse 1] I stumbled drunk to the old stone well Me head was spinnin', I nearly fell I thought, "Feck it, I'll cool me toes" Little did I know how this tale goes [Chorus] Oh, me feckin' feet, what have I done? Dipped 'em in shite and now look what's come A gray wee bastard, starin' at me From me own damn toes, where me nails should be [Verse 2] The water was black as a witch's piss But I was too pissed to give a shite 'bout this I dangled me feet in that cursed abyss Now I've got a feckin' alien to dismiss [Chorus] Oh, me feckin' feet, what have I done? Dipped 'em in shite and now look what's come A gray wee bastard, starin' at me From me own damn toes, where me nails should be [Verse 3] Its eyes were big as two feckin' moons Peerin' up from me manky foot-lagoons I tried to shake it, kick it away But the little gray shite had come to stay [Bridge] [Slower, spoken with a mix of wonder and disgust] Oh, Jaysus, Mary, and holy Saint Pat What in the name of arse is feckin' that? It's growin' and glowin' and givin' me looks Like I'm some eejit straight out of the books [Back to upbeat tempo] [Final Chorus] Oh, me feckin' feet, what have I done? Dipped 'em in shite and now look what's come A gray wee bastard, starin' at me From me own damn toes, for eternity [Outro] [Gradually slowing] So heed me warnin', ye drunken fools Don't go dippin' yer toes in tainted pools Ye might just end up with an alien pet Growin' from yer feet -- and that's no feckin' threat! [Final fiddle flourish]
