[Twangy Verse] Down at the Goodwill outlet, fluorescent lights buzzin’ low Grease Monkey Pete pushin’ a cart like he own the whole damn show Fifty-two years old and still diggin’ through the bins Pullin’ out treasures that’d make a preacher blush and spin First thing he grab is a stack of Cologard boxes, sealed up tight Lookin’ around like nobody notice, actin’ like it’s pure insight Next aisle over he find a vibrator still in the package, half-price tag Toss it in the cart with a little smirk like “yeah, that’ll do just fine, ol’ hag” [Aggressive Punchline] XXXL woman’s underwear, big as a damn tent Pete hold ‘em up to the light, say “these’ll fit just right, heaven-sent” Goodwill Customer of the Year, ain’t nobody close to his crown Buyin’ medical kits, sex toys, and giant panties, walkin’ around town [Twangy Verse] Cashier look at the pile, raise one eyebrow slow Cologard, vibrator, XXXL drawers, and a half-broke radio Pete just shrug, “It’s a lifestyle, son, don’t you judge the haul” Pay in crumpled ones and a Goodwill punch card, walk out standin’ tall Under the overpass later, unpackin’ the night’s score Sunglasses still on even though the sun done set hours before Part-time podcast legend, full-time thrift-store king Buyin’ shit at the outlet that make the whole damn crew just sing [Aggressive Punchline] Goodwill for Grease Monkey Pete, that’s the real anthem now Cologard in the morning, vibrator when the night get loud XXXL panties flappin’ in the wind like a flag of pure regret Happy birthday, you beautiful disaster, we ain’t forget [Outro] Yeah… down at the Goodwill… Pete still shoppin’…
