[Intro – Spoken] Yeah… I used to have money. I used to have weekends. Then my wife bought a horse. …then another horse. [Verse 1 – Rap/Rock] She said, “Baby, trust me, this one’s cheap,” That’s horse-girl code for you won’t sleep. New saddle, new boots, new shiny tack, I watched my bank account have a heart attack. She needs supplements, blankets, buckets and hay, Farrier shows up—I just look away. She says, “Come watch me ride, it won’t take long,” Six hours later, I’m still holdin’ her phone. [Pre-Chorus] I haul the gear! I haul the feed! Apparently horses got more stuff than me! She says, “One more thing…” I know what that means— There goes another hundred bucks On something horses need! [CHORUS – SHOUTED] I DID IT FOR THE HORSIES! WHAT?! THE HORSIES! WHAT?! SO SHE CAN SLIDE, SLIDE, SLIDE! I DID IT FOR THE HORSIES! COME ON! THE HORSIES! COME ON! AND THERE GOES MY PAYCHECK— BYE, BYE, BYE! [Verse 2 – Rap/Rock] Friday night, everybody’s hittin’ the town, I’m at the arena watchin’ circles go ’round. Fast circle, slow circle, rundown—STOP! She slides twenty feet and I’m yellin’, “THAT’S HOT!” Then she spins to the left, spins to the right, I’m filming every second like Spielberg tonight. She asks, “Did you get it?” I say, “Yeah, I did!” She checks my phone— “YOUR THUMB COVERED THE LENS!” [Breakdown] Oh no. Now I’m sleeping in the trailer. With the horses. [CHORUS] I DID IT FOR THE HORSIES! WHAT?! THE HORSIES! WHAT?! SO SHE CAN SLIDE, SLIDE, SLIDE! I DID IT FOR THE HORSIES! COME ON! THE HORSIES! COME ON! MY RETIREMENT FUND JUST DIED, DIED, DIED! [Bridge – Fast Rap] Hay bill, feed bill, vet bill, tack, Horse trailer hooked to the truck out back. Entry fee, stall fee, hotel too, Apparently horse shows need my Visa too! Coffee in my left hand, camera in my right, She’s practicing spins till eleven at night. She says, “Honey, someday this’ll all pay off!” … WHEN?! [Heavy Breakdown] But when she hits that rundown, And that horse drops low, Dirt starts flying, And she steals the show… I’m standing at the rail Like her biggest fan— Still broke… BUT THAT’S MY GIRL, MAN! [FINAL CHORUS] I DID IT FOR THE HORSIES! WHAT?! THE HORSIES! WHAT?! SO SHE CAN SLIDE, SLIDE, SLIDE! I DID IT FOR THE HORSIES! COME ON! THE HORSIES! COME ON! IF MY WIFE IS HAPPY— I GUESS I’LL SURVIVE! [Outro – Spoken] She just texted me. “Found another horse.” …Son of a— [Guitar hit / END]
