[Verse 1] Well, Tina woke up Monday, Had a little fit, Turned on the morning news, Said, "I ain't having THIS!" She spilled her cup of coffee, Stubbed her little toe, Said, "I know who's responsible, And everybody knows!" The potholes keep on growing, The sidewalks are a mess, But Tina's got an answer, And she calls it TDS! [Pre-Chorus] She points her finger eastward, With a very serious face, While all her little cheerleaders Go marching into place! [Chorus — Big, bouncy, echoing female harmonies] T-D-S! (T-D-S!) Oh, honey, what a mess! (What a mess!) Blame it on the Donald, Forget about the rest! T-D-S! (T-D-S!) It's spreading, I confess! Tina's got the symptoms, And her fans are just as blessed! Ooooh, T-D-S! Somebody call the press! [Verse 2] Her fans are getting restless, They're foaming at the bit, Every time she hollers "TRUMP!" They throw another fit! They're waving all their banners, And shouting "NO MORE KINGS!" While stepping over garbage And a hundred other things! They say she's gonna save us, They swear she's got a plan, But when you ask for details, They just blame another man! [Pre-Chorus] It's a synchronized performance, Such a fascinating show, Tina does the talking, And her fans all yell, "WE KNOW!" [Chorus] T-D-S! (T-D-S!) Oh, honey, what a mess! (What a mess!) Blame it on the Donald, Forget about the rest! T-D-S! (T-D-S!) It's spreading, I confess! Tina's got the symptoms, And her fans are just as blessed! Ooooh, T-D-S! Somebody call the press! [Bridge — Playful spoken-sung blues breakdown] Now, Tina, dear, I've gotta ask, Is blaming Trump your only task? The streets are rough, the bills are high, But there you go with your battle cry! And all your fans go, "YES! YES! YES!" Another little outbreak of T-D-S! (Backing singers: "Oh, what a mess!") You can blame the moon, You can blame the sun, You can blame the man Till the cows come home! But when the chickens come to roost, And your excuses come unglued, Don't act shocked or look confused— That broken record's overused! [Final Chorus — Bigger, brighter, full harmonies] T-D-S! (T-D-S!) Oh, honey, what a mess! It's Tina and her fan club, In a blame-game jamboree! T-D-S! (T-D-S!) A political distress! When everything is Donald's fault, Who cleans up the mess? [Outro — Cheeky, raspy, half-spoken] Well, Tina, bless your little heart, You've turned blame into an art! And all your fans are singing along... (Backing vocals: "T-D-S! T-D-S!") But here's a little question, dear, Before we disappear... If Trump is why your house is dirty... WHO'S BEEN LIVING HERE?! (Big brass hit, piano flourish, backing singers laughing: "T-D-S!")
