[Intro — vinyl crackle, soft piano, distant surf] [Documentary Narrator — dry, composed] Previous observations suggested the subject was unaware of the study. This conclusion was incorrect. [Skye, quietly] Oh noooo. [Pause] Anyway. [Beat drops — upright bass, swung drums] Verse 1 Clipboard out, little pen in your hand, Trying to chart behavior you don’t understand. You wanted clean data, neat little lines— I saw what made you scribble, so I did it three more times. One strange sentence, everybody turns, Somebody grabs a screenshot, somebody never learns. You call it observation, I call it free publicity, Congratulations, darling— Field Subject: ME. I know when you’re watching, know when you’re near, Know the exact phrase that’ll summon you here. You thought you caught the chaos occurring naturally— Sweetheart, half the evidence was planted deliberately. Pre-Chorus Write it down, Circle twice, Call the sample strange. But if the subject knows the method, Doesn’t that contaminate? You wanted something wild, Something curious to see— Well, lucky you. Chorus — huge melodic hook Field Subject: ME! Put my name across the file! You can watch me all you want, You’re gonna be here for a while. Take your notes and make your theories, Try to chart what I might be— But you’ll never get a baseline from Field Subject: ME. Ohhh— You thought you were studying me. [Backing vocals] Studying me… [Lead] I was studying what made you write. Verse 2 — electro-swing bounce Say something normal—nothing. Silence. Dead. Say something questionable? Everybody turns their head. Ah. There’s the button. Now I know what it does. So I poke it with a sentence just because. One badly chosen phrase and there goes the room, Everybody piling in to witness the doom. Then I make it worse trying to clarify— And twenty seconds later there’s another butterfly. You keep shouting, “Evidence!” I’m shouting, “Have some more!” Leaving little verbal breadcrumbs scattered on the floor. You think you found a specimen behaving recklessly— Nope. The specimen baited the researcher successfully. Pre-Chorus Take a picture, Save the quote, Put it underneath the glass. I can see the folder growing every time somebody laughs. Control group’s gone missing, Objectivity has ceased— And I regret absolutely nothing. Chorus Field Subject: ME! Put my name across the file! I’ve got poorly chosen phrasing stacked for several hundred miles. Make your charts and write your thesis, Call my habits strange and free— There was never any control over Field Subject: ME. [Backing vocals] Write it down! There she goes! Another line! Another quote! Bridge — gramophone filter [Narrator] An unexpected development. The subject appears to be intentionally influencing the study. [Skye] Appears? [Narrator] …is intentionally influencing the study. [Skye] Thank you. [Narrator] This renders the collected data— [Skye] Hilarious? [Narrator] Scientifically compromised. [Skye] Same thing. [Record scratch] Swing Breakdown Observe me! Quote me! Clip it! Go on! I’ll give you another before this one’s gone! File it! Name it! Put it on display! Oh noooo… Anyway! [BRASS HIT] Verse 3 — heavier beat You brought the folding chair, congratulations, friend, Hope you packed a lunch because this study doesn’t end. I’ve got seven kinds of nonsense and a fresh supply, And absolutely no intention of explaining why. Call me unpredictable—technically true, But now unpredictability is what I’m giving you. You wanted natural behavior? That experiment is through. I know you’re taking notes. Now I’m performing them for you. Keep the little field guide, keep tracking every clue, But maybe ask yourself who’s observing who. You watch the Skye and wonder what she’s gonna do— Meanwhile I’m taking mental notes on what gets a rise from you. Final Chorus — enormous FIELD SUBJECT: ME! Put my name across the file! Underline “uncooperative,” add “suspiciously aware” with style! You can track my weird behavior, You can catalogue it all for free— But you’ll never know which parts were real and which were planted there by me! FIELD SUBJECT: ME! No control and no guarantee! You wanted something strange to study— BABY, YOU GOT ME. [Backing vocals] Write it down! Date and time! Another quote! She’ll be fine! [Lead, soaring] You thought you were studying me— I was studying what made you write. Outro — piano, shoreline, vinyl crackle [Narrator] Conclusion: The subject is fully aware of the observation process. Further study is strongly discouraged. [Pause] [Skye] Oh noooo. [Longer pause] Anyway. [Single muted trumpet flourish]
