NOTHING HAUNTED ABOUT THIS [Intro - Spoken, Eerie] So we made it to Salem. October. After dark. Nine of us dressed like vampire hunters. Then Jex grabbed the back of my coat before we'd even made it down the first street. She said she wasn't scared. I didn't ask. [Verse 1 - Tense] Salem glowing through the streetlights, Cold wind cutting through my coat, TC walking like he owns the darkness, I'm wondering who invited ghosts. Kuronami looks right at home, Psycho wants the creepiest place in town, Nova's taking pictures already, Kira keeps suspiciously looking around. Synnerette's having way too much fun, JewPool says he knows where to go, Then somebody grabs my jacket— Yeah. Jex. Should've known. [Pre-Chorus - Building] I ask, "You good?" She tells me, "I'm fine," While practically climbing up my spine. Something moves, She jumps, I laugh— She says my funeral's next. Worth it. [Chorus - Explosive Horror Punk] I keep saying nothing's haunted here! While Jex disappears when anything gets near. Every shadow puts a death grip on my sleeve, Every creaking door has her ready to leave. She dressed for Hell, She talks real tough, One ghost says boo and she's had enough. Midnight in Salem, We're nowhere near done, Those bells on her hat tell the ghosts exactly where we are. [Verse 2 - Dark Driving Punk] We pass the old Witch House, Black timber under October skies, Nova's photographing buildings, Kira's watching every window we pass by. Something taps Jex on the shoulder. She grabs TC. TC looks at me. I look at Synnerette— One tentacle disappears behind her back. ...Right. Psycho starts another ghost story, Kuronami makes the ending worse, Jex tells them both to shut the hell up, Then asks me if this whole town is cursed. JewPool says he found a shortcut. No. Says I should have some faith. Last time I did that, he navigated us into the wrong state. [Chorus - Explosive Horror Punk] I keep saying nothing's haunted here! While Jex disappears when anything gets near. Every shadow puts a death grip on my sleeve, Every creaking door has her ready to leave. She dressed for Hell, She talks real tough, One ghost says boo and she's had enough. Midnight in Salem, We're nowhere near done, Those bells on her hat tell the ghosts exactly where we are. [Bridge - Solemn, Haunting] Then we reach Charter Street. And even we know when to shut up. Old stones beneath the branches, Names sitting quietly at night, Centuries beneath our footsteps, Cold October moonlight. So I stop joking. Everybody does. No stupid pictures. No trying to scare each other. No bullshit. Just nine friends giving the place the respect it deserves. Then somewhere down the street— BANG! Jex practically tackles me. I catch her. Wait. Listen. Firework. She tells me not to start. I start smiling. She says, "Ry..." Worth it. [Verse 3 - Full Band Returns] Now Psycho's telling ghost stories, Kuronami makes every detail worse, Nova's laughing herself breathless, Kira says we're probably cursed. Synnerette taps Jex from behind— She damn near climbs onto my back. TC finally starts laughing. I tell him not to encourage them. That just makes everybody crack. Then JewPool suggests we split up. No. He starts explaining. Still no. Because I am not dying in Salem because somebody decided we needed horror-movie logic. [Breakdown - Sinister Stop-Start] So I keep walking. Wrong direction? Probably. JewPool's banned from navigation? Definitely. Psycho's laughing. Jex is hiding. TC's pretending this isn't funny. Nova. Kira. Where the hell is Synnerette? ... Why is she up there? How did she even— You know what? Never mind. I've learned not to ask questions. [Final Chorus - Urgent Horror Punk] I keep saying nothing's haunted here! Nine bad decisions and another bad idea! Black coats flying under Halloween lights, Laughing our asses off into the night. We came for Salem, We found trouble, Jex sees one shadow— Now we're moving double. Old streets, cold air, Nowhere else to be, Another stupid night turning into history. Maybe nothing's waiting somewhere in the dark. Maybe every sound has a perfectly good cause. Then Jex grabs my jacket. Says, "Ry..." I ask, "What?" She whispers, "Something's following us." I slowly turn around. Seven assholes trying not to laugh. ... I hate my friends. [Outro - Spoken, Eerie] We're heading back. Jex is still holding my coat. I don't mention it. Couple blocks later she asks if she can keep doing it. Yeah. Then she tells me not to tell anybody. Wasn't planning on it. [Small Bell Jingles] I look at her. "You know those bells have been giving away your position all night, right?" She tells me to shut up. Fair enough. And for the record? Nothing haunted about Salem. ... Probably.
