"I’m a Pirate Now!"

Irish folk, sea shanty style, drunken, boisterous, solo voice with rowdy audience responses, shouted gang vocals, acoustic guitar, banjo

V3.5

[Background noises: tavern laughter, drunken cursing, clinking mugs]
[Rhythm: fast 6/8 or driving 4/4 with swing, violins, banjos, handclaps, foot stomps]

[Verse 1]

Let me tell you my name — Dick O’Suilleabhain,
From Fermanagh fields where the piss ran plain.
Lived with me five bold brothers and me drunken da’,
Danced in hogshit, sang to fairy bras!

[ Refrain]

I’m a pirate now, I drink and I kill,
I shag and I steal and I damn well will!
From the piss-stained pigpen to the captain’s prow —
They took my name, but I’m a pirate now!

[low accordion drones solo]
[Verse 2]

One shite day came the Thistle Riders,
Killed me Finn, the best damn fiddler in Ulster.
I was drunk off me balls, couldn’t even run —
The frogs said: “You’re a prisoner, son!”
[speak]
(Bloody sons of dirty bitches)

[Refrain]

I’m a pirate now, I drink and I fight,
I curse the day and I hump the night!
From Belfast's bogs to the black ship’s prow —
They broke me once, but I’m a pirate now!
[low accordion drones]

[Verse 3]

They tossed me down in a stinking hold,
Rotten wood, worse food, and the air was cold.
A hundred proud lads all tied in chains,
Singing of Ireland through the shit and the pain.

|Refrain]

I’m a pirate now, I drink and I kill,
I shag and I steal and I damn well will!
From the piss-stained pigpen to the captain’s prow —
They took my name, but I’m a pirate now!
[low accordion drones solo]

[Verse 4]

A planter bought me, French and fat,
Whipped my back and called me rat.
I was dying fast, with nothing left —
But I heard the sea’s voice in my breath.
[Verse 5]

She said: “Dance for me, O dying lad.
Sing for Ariel, you half-mad cad.”
So I danced in blood and my brothers’ guts,
And laughed like hell till I coughed them up.

[Verse 6]

She kissed my soul with a salty tongue,
Said: “Here’s a blade for every song you sung.”
“Kill the frogs, and the tartan dogs too —
Your fate is red, and your aim is true.”

[Verse 7 (Scarlet Sarah)]

Then came the boom of the black flag’s guns,
Cannon smoke choking the midday sun.
In stormed Scarlet Sarah, all blood and breast,
Ugly as sin but her tits were the best.
She cut my chains with a wink and a roar,
Said “Welcome aboard, love — and down on the floor!”

[Final Refrain (fortissimo)]

I’m a pirate now, with death in me grin,
No king, no priest, no bloody sin!
I’ll drink to hell from the devil’s cask —
Just hand me rum and a Frenchman’s mask!

[someone shout “TO HELL WITH THE QUEEN!”]

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Chapter I: wherein the reader is first acquainted with DICK O’SUILLEABHAIN, a pirate of ill repute and restless conscience, and wherein, within the smoke-choked gloom of a seventeenth-century tavern, a single reckless bargain is struck—one that stains his soul yet deeper, sets his course upon darker waters, and proves that even the smallest damnation, freely chosen, may echo louder than cannon fire upon the open sea… [Background noises: tavern laughter, drunken cursing, clinking mugs] [Rhythm: fast 6/8 or driving 4/4 with swing, violins, banjos, handclaps, foot stomps] [Verse 1] Let me tell you my name — Dick O’Suilleabhain, From Fermanagh fields where the piss ran plain. Lived with me five bold brothers and me drunken da’, Danced in hogshit, sang to fairy bras! [ Refrain] I’m a pirate now, I drink and I kill, I shag and I steal and I damn well will! From the piss-stained pigpen to the captain’s prow — They took my name, but I’m a pirate now! [low accordion drones solo] [Verse 2] One shite day came the Thistle Riders, Killed me Finn, the best damn fiddler in Ulster. I was drunk off me balls, couldn’t even run — The frogs said: “You’re a prisoner, son!” [speak] (Bloody sons of dirty bitches) [Refrain] I’m a pirate now, I drink and I fight, I curse the day and I hump the night! From Belfast's bogs to the black ship’s prow — They broke me once, but I’m a pirate now! [low accordion drones] [Verse 3] They tossed me down in a stinking hold, Rotten wood, worse food, and the air was cold. A hundred proud lads all tied in chains, Singing of Ireland through the shit and the pain. |Refrain] I’m a pirate now, I drink and I kill, I shag and I steal and I damn well will! From the piss-stained pigpen to the captain’s prow — They took my name, but I’m a pirate now! [low accordion drones solo] [Verse 4] A planter bought me, French and fat, Whipped my back and called me rat. I was dying fast, with nothing left — But I heard the sea’s voice in my breath. [Verse 5] She said: “Dance for me, O dying lad. Sing for Ariel, you half-mad cad.” So I danced in blood and my brothers’ guts, And laughed like hell till I coughed them up. [Verse 6] She kissed my soul with a salty tongue, Said: “Here’s a blade for every song you sung.” “Kill the frogs, and the tartan dogs too — Your fate is red, and your aim is true.” [Verse 7 (Scarlet Sarah)] Then came the boom of the black flag’s guns, Cannon smoke choking the midday sun. In stormed Scarlet Sarah, all blood and breast, Ugly as sin but her tits were the best. She cut my chains with a wink and a roar, Said “Welcome aboard, love — and down on the floor!” [Final Refrain (fortissimo)] I’m a pirate now, with death in me grin, No king, no priest, no bloody sin! I’ll drink to hell from the devil’s cask — Just hand me rum and a Frenchman’s mask! [someone shout “TO HELL WITH THE QUEEN!”]

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