[Intro: Gary, spoken] You know... People always ask me... "Gary, what's the biggest burrito you've ever made?" That's the wrong question. The question is... How many burritos can exist inside one burrito? [Steve] Gary... What the fuck did you do? [Gary] I made lunch. [DJ SCRATCH] [HEAVY NU-METAL RIFF] [Verse 1: Aggressive Rap] I walked in the kitchen, saw the table shake, Big-ass tortilla like an earthquake, Gary in the corner with a smile on his face, Said, "Don't worry, Steve, it's a perfectly normal shape." I grabbed that shit... FUCK! There's another one inside! Pulled that one apart... FUCK! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE INSIDE! Peel that one... ANOTHER! Cut that one... ANOTHER! Gary's standing there like he discovered God And apparently God lives inside a fucking tortilla. [Gary] It's recursive. [Steve] IT'S FUCKING WHAT?! [Verse 2: Rap] First layer... Toenail chips! Crunch when I bite! Ranch seasoning! Garlic Parmesan! Pink little fragments Like Gary's seasoning dinner With the contents of his fucking toenail clippers! [Gary] Locally sourced. [Steve] SHUT THE FUCK UP! Avocado! Lime! Garlic! Salt! Fromunda cheese... WAIT! FROMUNDA?! [Gary] Cheese. [Steve] DON'T SAY IT LIKE THAT! [Chorus: Gang Vocals] WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THIS BURRITO?! PEEL IT BACK! PEEL IT BACK! THERE'S ANOTHER FUCKING BURRITO! TOENAILS! LINT! EARWAX! BRINE! BURRITO IN A BURRITO! BURRITO IN A BURRITO! GARY BROKE GEOMETRY! [Verse 3: Rapid Rap] Basil! Oil! Cheese! Garlic! Then Gary starts talking like a fucking scientist! "Natural binding!" "Artisanal glue!" "Concentrated Gary!" I looked down... BELLY BUTTON LINT! Dark blue! Gray! Gold! White! Gary's got a fucking tasting chart! [Gary] The gold has excellent bouquet. [Steve] THE GOLD HAS A FUCKING BOUQUET?! [Rap] He folds it in! He grinds it down! He says, "Lint remembers you!" I said... I DON'T WANT MY BELLY BUTTON TO REMEMBER ANYBODY! [Breakdown] LINT! LINT! LINT! IN THE FUCKING BURRITO! [Verse 4] Next layer... PICKLES! Crunch! Snap! Garlic! Salt! Foot sweat in the brine! FORTY-SEVEN NIGHTS! "Clean feet make weak pickles!" WHAT THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! [Gary] This one's been soaking since ninety-four. [Steve] NINETEEN NINETY-FOUR?! [Gang Vocals] NINETY-FOUR! NINETY-FOUR! NINETY-FOUR! THE PICKLE'S OLDER THAN SOME OF US! [Verse 5: Aggressive Rap] I thought we hit the bottom... NOPE! Queso! Hot! Creamy! Sharp! Tastes fucking incredible! THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM! Gary reaches behind his ear... NO! NO! NO! I KNOW THAT LOOK! [Gary] Fresh or aged? [Steve] PUT YOUR FUCKING HAND DOWN! [Gary] Mild. Smoked. Sharp. Aged. Left ear. Right ear. [Steve] YOU HAVE A FUCKING EARWAX COLLECTION?! [Gary] Sampler. [Steve] A SAMPLER?! [Chorus: Explosive] WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THIS BURRITO?! I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND! PEEL IT BACK! PEEL IT BACK! THERE'S ANOTHER ONE EVERY TIME! TOENAILS! LINT! EARWAX! BRINE! BANG BUTTER! INFINITE FUCKING BURRITO! [Verse 6: Half-Time Rap] Brown butter. Ginger. Soy. Sriracha. Black garlic. Fish sauce. Gary says... [Gary] One surprise ingredient. [Steve] What is it? [Gary] I'm not sure. [Steve] WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT SURE?! [Gary] It may have gained sentience. [Steve] THE BURRITO HAS A FUCKING CONSCIOUSNESS?! [Gary] Maybe. [Steve] IS IT ALIVE?! [Gary] It tastes alive. [Massive Breakdown] I'M DONE! I'M DONE! I'M DONE WITH GARY'S FOOD! [Gary] There's another layer. [Steve] FUCK! [Verse 7: Rap] Another shell. Another fold. Another nightmare Gary refuses to control. But then... Something changes. No smell. No screaming. No mystery. Just... Fresh tortilla. Warm rice. Beans. Perfectly seasoned filling. Cheese melting down the side. Garlic. Lime. Pickle cutting through the heat. Bang Butter tying it together. Holy shit. [Steve] This is good. [Melissa] Really good. [Steve] No. Not good. FUCKING AMAZING. [Pre-Chorus: Clean Vocals] All the madness... All the pain... All the layers... All the shame... Somehow every fucked-up flavor Found its place inside the frame. [Final Chorus: Huge] WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THIS BURRITO?! I DON'T EVEN FUCKING CARE! WHAT THE FUCK IS IN THIS BURRITO?! THIS SHIT IS FUCKING PERFECT! FROM THE OUTSIDE TO THE CENTER! EVERY LAYER HITS HARDER! ALL THAT FUCKED-UP GARY SHIT... SOMEHOW MADE THE BEST BURRITO EVER! [Breakdown] TOENAILS! LINT! EARWAX! BRINE! FROMUNDA! SWEAT! GARLIC! LIME! BANG BUTTER! FUCKING PERFECT! BURRITO! BURRITO! BURRITO!
