[Intro: captain calls; dry wooden knocks] Who holds the scale? Who's been dipping his claw? There's bright paper booty stuffed under his jaw! [Verse 1: lead; concertina and mandolin in a skipping jig] The Cardboard Kraken, lashed fast to Trip Line, Had eight curling arms and a badly spelled sign. "Your usual?" he asked through his second mouth; One arm took north while another took south. Bridget called, "Tare!" He tore off a claw; We patched the damn thing with the tape from a drawer. [Chorus: rowdy adult crew; fiddle and boot stomps] All arms! No sense! Give the booty back! You've tangled your tail in the treasure sack! Heave-ho, you rascal, quit hugging the haul; The Cardboard Kraken wants some of it all! [Verse 2: lead; concertina answers the ends of lines] The Porchlight Pirates brought scales to the rail, But his net weight included the bucket and tail. Zero foot-pounds! Not a sweet had been moved; The beast hugged the bucket with all eight arms glued. [Break: captain speaks a grandiose tally; crew snaps back over a held fiddle note] "That's exponential light-year kilotons!" "One wrapped mint, you fraud!" [Chorus: full crew; same melody] All arms! No sense! Give the booty back! You've tangled your tail in the treasure sack! Heave-ho, you rascal, quit hugging the haul; The Cardboard Kraken wants some of it all! [Bridge: captain and crew trade lines; hand drum and mandolin] We pried loose his arms; down the sugar did pour. "Still hungry?" "For fiddles!" "Then give us one more!" No force-fed sweets for the Clean Plate Club; Just a bite of the chorus and boots on the tub! [Final Chorus: full crew; fiddle and concertina in harmony] All arms! No sense! Give the booty back! You've tangled your tail in the treasure sack! Heave-ho, you rascal, quit hugging the haul; The Cardboard Kraken wants some of it all! [Outro: captain; crew laugh-sings the last line, one wooden knock] Home Port for repairs, with one mint for his share; His cardboard backside still stuck in the air!
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