[Intro – Detuned music box, crooked carnival organ, distant church bells, scratchy vinyl, muffled giggling. A jaunty bassline creeps in, joined by clicking sticks and a wheezing accordion] [Verse 1 – Cheerful, unsettling male croon, exaggerated politeness, twitchy upright bass, dry slapback echo, off-kilter vaudeville piano] I keep a black suit, And a thin red tie. I read the morning oh-bits, And never wonder why. [Sudden organ stab, snare rimshot, theatrical vocal flourish] I didn't know poor Mr. Brown, But his widow held me tight. She said, "I'm glad that you could be here!" I said, "I wouldn't miss it for my life!" [Pre-Chorus – Accelerating snare rolls, plucked strings, deranged call-and-response backing vocals, sudden pitch jumps] They hold my hand, They kiss my cheek, It's the only fun I have all week! [Chorus – Explosive gothic carnival-rock stomp, distorted guitars, bouncing bass, manic gang harmonies, clattering percussion, gleefully unhinged lead vocals] Everybody loves a funeral!(yeah!) Everybody loves a wake! Everybody wants to hug me, And everybody brings a cake! [Hysterical high harmonies, warped brass blasts, exaggerated cymbal crashes] Everybody loves a funeral!(yeah!) Everybody loves a show! Nobody ever wants me, Till somebody has to go! [Instrumental Break – Insane honky-tonk piano solo, distorted accordion, rattling tambourine, cartoonish descending trombone, abrupt tape slowdown] [Verse 2 – Sickly sweet crooning, eerie falsetto doubles, bouncing pizzicato strings, whispered ghost vocals in the stereo field] I've got a hundred little programs, With a hundred little names. I cry at all the proper times, And never feel ashamed. [Pre-Chorus – Mock sobbing morphs into giggling, pitch-shifted vocal doubles, frantic snare build] They hold my hand, They kiss my cheek, I've buried three Just last week! [Chorus – Frantic garage-rock guitars, pounding drums, warped organ, shrieking background harmonies] Everybody loves a funeral!(yeah!) Everybody loves a wake! Everybody wants to hug me, And everybody brings a cake! [Bridge – Sudden silence, lonely music box, close-mic whisper, heartbeat kick drum, dissonant strings creeping upward] But lately things have gotten slow, Not a single tear to shed,. And nobody has hugged me, where are all the dead?. [Verse 3 – Unnaturally cheerful falsetto, accelerating carnival waltz, detuned piano, escalating percussion, sinister laughter underneath] I've got a list of lovely people, Who could use a little rest. And if I do the invitations, I can guarantee the guests! [High-pitched manic laughter, sudden orchestral stab] [Pre-Chorus – Whispered through a telephone filter, then violently shrieked, drum fills accelerating] They hold my hand! They kiss my cheek! I've got another ONE NEXT WEEK! [Final Chorus – Full chaotic gothic cabaret explosion, fuzz guitars, frantic piano, pounding double-kick drums, grotesque multi-tracked laughter, manic male vocals veering between crooning and shrieking] Everybody loves a funeral!(yeah!) Everybody loves a wake! Everybody wants to hug me, And everybody brings a cake! Everybody loves a funeral!(yeah!) Everybody loves a show! Nobody ever wants me, Till somebody has to go! [Outro – Instruments collapse into a broken music-box melody, scraping violin, slowing tape hiss, distant church bell] I've already picked the flowers, And I've even booked the pew. we've been waiting here for hours [Whispered – Intimate, almost affectionate, sinister stereo delay] "I've arranged one just for you." [Soft giggle, sudden distorted piano crash, tape stop]
