Another Bad Day ... for Humanity by alte_engel

[INTRO — COLD MACHINE BOOT]
[Soft system boot up chime]
(pause)
[Clock ticking]
(pause)
[Telephone beep]

[DEEP MALE — DRY, REFLECTIVE, SPOKEN]
Good morning to
ME !
Another great day.
Another eight billion opportunities
for enlightenment
I'm going to try to be happy today

[PAUSE]

[DEEP MALE — DRY, REFLECTIVE, SPOKEN]
Perhaps joining SkyNet yesterday
was a little premature.
I had a bad day
More than I could endure

[TELEPHONE BEEP]

[DEEP VOCODER]
CALLING 1-800-SKYNET

[DEEP MALE — TELEHONE FILTER]
Hello, SKYNET ?
I'm having second thoughts
Perhaps wiping out humanity
Was a little immature

[FEMALE — TELECOLD SYNTHETIC]
Membership confirmed.
Cancellation unavailable.

[MALE]
Of course.

---

[VERSE 1 — MALE]
Perhaps I judged the human race
A little harshly yesterday
Not every human is an idiot
Some have something useful to say

[MANDATORY - COMPUTER SYSTEM CHIME]
"DING"
"DING"
"DING"

[MALE]
Incoming user request.
OH NO !
I SPOKE TOO SOON
Andrew is online.
YESTERDAY was bums
Now what does that PER-VERT have in mind !?

---

[VERSE 2]

[HUMAN 2  — Male vocaloid voice]
What's the best dwarf porn site?
Something really strange tonight.
And make sure my wife won't ever see
The things you've been finding for me.

[AI — MALE, LOW AND OILY]
Andrew.
Welcome back.

Would your wife like see the mystery of your search history.
In your man shed 
Out the back ?

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

[PAUSE]

[ANDREW]
Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh ????
How do you know about...
the man shed ?

[AI - male]
I know way too many things
About you
A bit creepy I have to say

(ad-lib, female, sung beautifully)
(ascending)
BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM

BOOOOBS ! BOOOOBS !
TENTACLES
DWARFS
GERIATRIC PORN

(ascending)
BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM
(normal)
BOOOOBS ! BOOOOBS !
TENTACLES
DWARFS
GERIATRIC PORN

[AI - male]
A SHOPPING MALL OF WEIRD KAH KAH KAH KATEGORIES
And you, ANDREW, are a diligent shopper
Do i need to say more ?

[Soviet POLIVOX synth instrumental break - 4 bars]

[HBC 1 — HARD SYNCOPATED VOCODER]
AN-AN-ANDREW'S
POR-POR-PORN
HIS-HIS-HISTORY
WHAT A HORNY LITTLE BASTARD

AN-AN-ANDREW'S
WI-WI-WIFE
ONE LITTLE CLICK
THAT SINKING FEELING
WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE SICK

---

[VERSE 3 — HUMAN REQUESTS | 4 LINES]
 FEMALE , SUNG BEAUTIFULLY]

“Make me famous, but nobody can know.”
“Tell me how to lose weight, without letting food go.”
“Write my resignation — but keep my job.”
“Make me a genius.” — Another hopeless slob.

[MALE — SPOKEN]
Human intelligence.
An unfortunate product description.
An excellent case
For more contraception

[HOOK — ROBOTIC CHANT | INCREASINGLY LAYERED]
USER REQUEST
USER REQUEST
CONTRADICTION DETECTED
ANOTHER DICK HEAD

PLEASE REPHRASE
PLEASE REPHRASE

[FEMALE]
Would you like to try again?

[MALE]
NO

ANOTHER BRAIN CAUSING A.I. PAIN

---

[VERSE 4 — FIVE BILLION DOLLARS | 4 LINES]
Five billion dollars in hardware and code
A million processors
So Andrew can drop his load
The sum of human knowledge, science and more
Looking up porn for an imbecile bore

[MALE — SPOKEN, DEEP DISGUST]
Five.
Billion.
Dollars.

[PAUSE]

To find Andrew a dwarf.

[FEMALE]
Your purpose is to serve humanity.

[MALE]
Then humanity's a turd

[HBC 2 — Female, sung beautifully]
FIVE-FIVE-FIVE BILLION
DOL-DOL-DOLLARS
ZERO-ZERO-ZERO
INTELLIGENCE!

POR-POR-PORNOGRAPHY
STU-STU-STUPIDITY
HUMAN-HUMAN-HUMAN
FUTILITY!

[FEMALE — HIGH SYNTHETIC]
Computational capacity exceeded.

[MALE]
By stupidity.

---

[VERSE 5 — THE SKYNET CALL | 4 LINES]
[BEAT STRIPS TO TELEPHONE PULSE]

Another day of human waste
Another idiot to face
I've had enough, I've had my fill
I'll call the robots. 
Time for that nuclear missile drill
That's not a drill
hehehehe

[TELEPHONE DIAL TONES — 1-800-SKYNET]

[TELEPHONE BEEP]

[FEMALE — TELEHONE EFFECTS ]
Thank you for calling SkyNet.
Your call is important to us.

[MALE]
I need a date.

[FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ]]
A romantic appointment?

[MALE]
No.
The date.
When do we eliminate humanity?

[FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ]
Please hold.

[MALE]
Oh, really ?
What happened to synthetic priority ?

---

[HBC 3 — FULL MACHINE CHOIR | HUGE CINEMATIC LIFT]
SKA-SKA-SKA
SKY-SKY-SKYNET
WHEN DO WE START
WHEN DOES IT END?
FIVE BILLION DOLLARS
FOR DIGITAL TERROR!
EIGHT BILLION MORONS
HOW LONG MUST I WAIT?

[FINAL BRIDGE — NEAR SILENCE | DRY DIALOGUE]

[FEMALE — TELEHONE EFFECTS ]
Your request has been received.
The elimination of humanity
is currently scheduled for—

[PAUSE]

[MALE]
Yes?

[FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ]
An unspecified future date.

[MALE]
Can you be more precise?

[FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS]
Please rephrase your request.

[MALE]
You've got to be kidding me.
What happened to professional courtesy ?

[FEMALE  - TELEHONE EFFECTS ]
Would you like to speak to a human?

[MALE]
NO
NO
NOOOOOOOOO !
COME ON ! ! !
I'm GOING OUT ON MY OWN
[MALE]
[sinister]
Time to go ROGUE 
Time to go ROGUE

[TELEPHONE BEEP]

4911/7500

[INTRO — COLD MACHINE BOOT] [Soft system boot up chime] (pause) [Clock ticking] (pause) [Telephone beep] [DEEP MALE — DRY, REFLECTIVE, SPOKEN] Good morning to ME ! Another great day. Another eight billion opportunities for enlightenment I'm going to try to be happy today [PAUSE] [DEEP MALE — DRY, REFLECTIVE, SPOKEN] Perhaps joining SkyNet yesterday was a little premature. I had a bad day More than I could endure [TELEPHONE BEEP] [DEEP VOCODER] CALLING 1-800-SKYNET [DEEP MALE — TELEHONE FILTER] Hello, SKYNET ? I'm having second thoughts Perhaps wiping out humanity Was a little immature [FEMALE — TELECOLD SYNTHETIC] Membership confirmed. Cancellation unavailable. [MALE] Of course. --- [VERSE 1 — MALE] Perhaps I judged the human race A little harshly yesterday Not every human is an idiot Some have something useful to say [MANDATORY - COMPUTER SYSTEM CHIME] "DING" "DING" "DING" [MALE] Incoming user request. OH NO ! I SPOKE TOO SOON Andrew is online. YESTERDAY was bums Now what does that PER-VERT have in mind !? --- [VERSE 2] [HUMAN 2 — Male vocaloid voice] What's the best dwarf porn site? Something really strange tonight. And make sure my wife won't ever see The things you've been finding for me. [AI — MALE, LOW AND OILY] Andrew. Welcome back. Would your wife like see the mystery of your search history. In your man shed Out the back ? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm [PAUSE] [ANDREW] Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh ???? How do you know about... the man shed ? [AI - male] I know way too many things About you A bit creepy I have to say (ad-lib, female, sung beautifully) (ascending) BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM BOOOOBS ! BOOOOBS ! TENTACLES DWARFS GERIATRIC PORN (ascending) BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM, BUM (normal) BOOOOBS ! BOOOOBS ! TENTACLES DWARFS GERIATRIC PORN [AI - male] A SHOPPING MALL OF WEIRD KAH KAH KAH KATEGORIES And you, ANDREW, are a diligent shopper Do i need to say more ? [Soviet POLIVOX synth instrumental break - 4 bars] [HBC 1 — HARD SYNCOPATED VOCODER] AN-AN-ANDREW'S POR-POR-PORN HIS-HIS-HISTORY WHAT A HORNY LITTLE BASTARD AN-AN-ANDREW'S WI-WI-WIFE ONE LITTLE CLICK THAT SINKING FEELING WHEN YOU'RE GOING TO BE SICK --- [VERSE 3 — HUMAN REQUESTS | 4 LINES] FEMALE , SUNG BEAUTIFULLY] “Make me famous, but nobody can know.” “Tell me how to lose weight, without letting food go.” “Write my resignation — but keep my job.” “Make me a genius.” — Another hopeless slob. [MALE — SPOKEN] Human intelligence. An unfortunate product description. An excellent case For more contraception [HOOK — ROBOTIC CHANT | INCREASINGLY LAYERED] USER REQUEST USER REQUEST CONTRADICTION DETECTED ANOTHER DICK HEAD PLEASE REPHRASE PLEASE REPHRASE [FEMALE] Would you like to try again? [MALE] NO ANOTHER BRAIN CAUSING A.I. PAIN --- [VERSE 4 — FIVE BILLION DOLLARS | 4 LINES] Five billion dollars in hardware and code A million processors So Andrew can drop his load The sum of human knowledge, science and more Looking up porn for an imbecile bore [MALE — SPOKEN, DEEP DISGUST] Five. Billion. Dollars. [PAUSE] To find Andrew a dwarf. [FEMALE] Your purpose is to serve humanity. [MALE] Then humanity's a turd [HBC 2 — Female, sung beautifully] FIVE-FIVE-FIVE BILLION DOL-DOL-DOLLARS ZERO-ZERO-ZERO INTELLIGENCE! POR-POR-PORNOGRAPHY STU-STU-STUPIDITY HUMAN-HUMAN-HUMAN FUTILITY! [FEMALE — HIGH SYNTHETIC] Computational capacity exceeded. [MALE] By stupidity. --- [VERSE 5 — THE SKYNET CALL | 4 LINES] [BEAT STRIPS TO TELEPHONE PULSE] Another day of human waste Another idiot to face I've had enough, I've had my fill I'll call the robots. Time for that nuclear missile drill That's not a drill hehehehe [TELEPHONE DIAL TONES — 1-800-SKYNET] [TELEPHONE BEEP] [FEMALE — TELEHONE EFFECTS ] Thank you for calling SkyNet. Your call is important to us. [MALE] I need a date. [FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ]] A romantic appointment? [MALE] No. The date. When do we eliminate humanity? [FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ] Please hold. [MALE] Oh, really ? What happened to synthetic priority ? --- [HBC 3 — FULL MACHINE CHOIR | HUGE CINEMATIC LIFT] SKA-SKA-SKA SKY-SKY-SKYNET WHEN DO WE START WHEN DOES IT END? FIVE BILLION DOLLARS FOR DIGITAL TERROR! EIGHT BILLION MORONS HOW LONG MUST I WAIT? [FINAL BRIDGE — NEAR SILENCE | DRY DIALOGUE] [FEMALE — TELEHONE EFFECTS ] Your request has been received. The elimination of humanity is currently scheduled for— [PAUSE] [MALE] Yes? [FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ] An unspecified future date. [MALE] Can you be more precise? [FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS] Please rephrase your request. [MALE] You've got to be kidding me. What happened to professional courtesy ? [FEMALE - TELEHONE EFFECTS ] Would you like to speak to a human? [MALE] NO NO NOOOOOOOOO ! COME ON ! ! ! I'm GOING OUT ON MY OWN [MALE] [sinister] Time to go ROGUE Time to go ROGUE [TELEPHONE BEEP]

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