The Seam God Forgot

NIKOLA i had the number wrong or the number had me blue in the filament blue in the vein blue in the little electric rain coming off the roof of the hotel three knocks no one there six on the clock six on the wall six in the little glass eye of the thing I couldn’t name and nine— no don’t say nine it comes back when you say it ⸻ i put my hand on the wrong machine felt somebody else’s weather there was a hum under the hum a room under the room a body inside the body and something turning not fast not slow just— again ⸻ Niko, Niko you beautiful bastard what did you think the light was asking for? you fed it copper you fed it sleep you fed it every dead little hour you couldn’t give to a woman and it lit and it lit and it lit ⸻ i’m not looking for god i’m looking for the seam where god forgot to close the thing where the geometry gets tired where the circle gets sick of being a circle where the square opens its mouth and says come through ⸻ there was a frequency that knew my name before my mother did i heard it once in the transformer in the dog in the blood in the winter wire in the blue-white flash between wanting and having ⸻ 3 not three things three directions 6 not six things the distance between them 9 not nine the door after nine the number that keeps eating itself the number that won’t leave ⸻ i don’t know if this is science i don’t know if this is prayer i don’t know if the dead are just badly tuned but every time i close my eyes the same architecture comes back ⸻ a rose inside a rose inside a rose inside a rose until there isn’t a rose just the instruction open ⸻ and i said fuck it let it oscillate let the ceiling lose its shape let the choir become static let the static become a choir let the body be a battery let the battery be a body let me disappear between the two ⸻ NIKOLA i don’t need the machine i need the mistake i need the place where you couldn’t finish it because that’s where i found myself ⸻ 3:06 3:09 6:33 no clock no clock no clock ⸻ [voice buried almost completely in processing] you are the field you are the field you are the field you are— [cut] ⸻ the light didn’t come down it came through that’s different ⸻ i woke up there was no message just the sound of something turning and for the first time i didn’t ask what it meant i listened