[Intro - Intricate, frantic fingerstyle guitar in 11/8 time with heavy percussive slaps] [Verse One] I’m crouching in the jungle by the giant rubber tree Hiding from the woman who wants every cent of me The humidity is rising, I’m at Ninety Nine percent While I’m wondering where the bloody maintenance money went (She’s got a lawyer!) I’ve been living on the nectar and the fallen mango skins To atone for all my matrimonial and fiscal sins I’m wearing camouflage I bought from a shop in Par But I’m standing out like a neon-lit snack bar One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven This tropical enclosure is a humid little heaven! [Chorus] [Relentless Energy] I’m the Biome Bandit, I’m the King of the Dome! I’m never going back to my semi-detached home! (Get away!) I’m hiding in the flora like a middle-aged flea While the ex-wife is waiting with a cup of Earl Grey tea! It’s an Eden disaster, a botanical retreat With a Five Hundred pound bounty on my sweaty little feet! [Verse Two] [Fast Rap - High Energy] I saw her by the baobab, she was looking quite annoyed With a legal document that I really must avoid She’s got a private eye in a floral-pattern shirt While I’m face-down in the fertilised and nitrogenous dirt (I’m a plant now!) Sixty Nine minutes I’ve been holding in a sneeze While a swarm of little gnats are biting at my knees But then a Blue Morpho butterfly landed on my nose And pointed out my position to my matrimonial foes It’s a winged informant, a fluttery little grass Now I’m sliding down the walkway on my horticultural arse! [Bridge] [Guitar Muted Percussion - Complex Syncopated Rhythms] [Spoken Word - Deadpan British Humour] There she is. Standing next to the sustainable coffee stand with a look that could wilt a prehistoric fern. I’m currently disguised as a rare species of invasive wanker. Even the butterflies have taken her side. Proper stitched me up, they have. (Snitchy little bug!) [Chorus] I’m the Biome Bandit, I’m the King of the Dome! I’m never going back to my semi-detached home! (Get away!) I’m hiding in the flora like a middle-aged flea While the ex-wife is waiting with a cup of Earl Grey tea! It’s an Eden disaster, a botanical retreat With a Five Hundred pound bounty on my sweaty little feet! [Outro] [Rapid Fingerstyle Guitar Build-up - Abrupt Polyrhythmic Stops] Run for the exit, through the Mediterranean wing! Before she hits me with a alimony-based sting! Eleven, Ten, Nine, Eight, Seven, Six, Five! I’m the luckiest gardener that’s ever been alive! [Sound of a whistle blowing] [Laughter] Not the gift shop! Anything but the gift shop!
