They said come sail away, come back new We'll treat you like a king — we assume you're as rich as one too I signed on the dotted line, but it's the fine print that'll get you Bob, you better bring your credit card and a few extra bucks too I'm paying for the room, I'm paying for the view I'm paying for the bed I sleep in when the day is through But if I want a coffee when I stumble out at dawn They swipe my little card and another five bucks gone A bottle of water on a ship at sea You'd think they'd be free, but they'll charge with glee There are packages you can buy — they call them "Plus" or "Premier" But those are for the drinkers, Bob — not the coffee crowd, I hear I don't want a piña colada, I don't want a beer I just want a cup of joe and water I won't fear But if you ain't a drinker, well, you pay more than your due You're subsidizing happy hour with your morning brew Now the buffet's fine, I'll give them that, some of it's even good But if you want a steak that's seared the way one should That's sixty bucks a head to eat at somewhere with a name And Bob, I hate to tell you, but they're all about the same And once you pay the one-twenty and ask for a table for two They sit you so close you can taste your neighbor's fondue Elbow to elbow, cheek to cheek — imagine that Fine dining a la sardine habitat They told me tipping is planned, eighteen bucks per head every day Two-fifty each week that you stay And no, you don't get a say You have to accept it and pay And Lord, don't get me started on the excursions on the shore Two hundred bucks a head just to step off and explore Four hundred if you'd like to snorkel or take a waterfall ride Anything more, have your wallet open wide I'm sailing on the ocean, there's no competition on the sea No shopping down the street, no driving somewhere free They got you where they want you on a thousand miles of blue The sunset's free, the breeze is free, and that's about all that's true I love the ship, I love the sea, I love the ports of call Some sights you'll only see from deck — you can't beat that at all It used to be a good deal, but it's no longer how it feels You'll pay an arm and a leg to come back new But you'll be broke when the final bill you review So I think I'll call this my last cruise, I've had my fill of sea I'll find myself a land vacation, somewhere trouble-free Maybe I'll book a safari, watch the lions roam the plain I hear the water and coffee are free — I won't have to complain
0/500