[Verse 1] I sit at my desk, coffee in hand, Spreadsheet’s open, I’ve got a plan. The hum of the office, a peaceful tone, But then I hear voices, and I’m not alone. [Pre-Chorus] (It starts with a whisper, a murmured complaint) Just two colleagues talking, a little restraint. But then—oh no—it starts to grow, And here’s where my workday takes a blow. [Chorus] They’re yelling about staplers, shouting about chairs, Debating who’s stolen the office Tupperware. I’m quietly typing, pretending I’m not there, As Karen and Dave declare a warfare. [Verse 2] Karen’s standing now, fists on her hips, Dave retaliates with a stack of paper clips. Someone else chimes in, “That’s MY mug, mate!” And now it’s a scene straight out of a debate. [Pre-Chorus] (The boss walks by, but just shakes his head) Probably thinks they’ll both soon be dead. Meanwhile, I’m here, a model of calm, Adding a formula like a human balm. [Chorus] They’re arguing about passwords, the printer’s jammed tray, The office fridge and who took the last parfait. I’m quietly typing, hoping they’ll go away, As Karen threatens to throw a bouquet. [Bridge] (Guitar strumming slows, spoken:) Now Karen’s grabbed a potted plant. Dave’s wielding a laptop stand. The intern’s hiding under the desk, And I’m just... (Melodic again:) Calculating totals in cell F6. [Chorus] They’re screaming about Wi-Fi, the meeting room’s lock, Karen’s yelling something about Dave’s TikTok. I’m quietly typing, avoiding the shock, Of HR showing up with a tiny clipboard clock. [Outro] Now Karen’s escorted, Dave’s looking smug, Peace is restored, like a warm office hug. But tomorrow, I know, it’ll happen again, And I’ll still be here, calm as Zen. (A final strum, then spoken:) …As long as they don’t unplug my monitor. (Guitar ends with a dramatic flourish.)
