[Verse 1 – matter-of-fact, clipped and clever] Ladies, take notes — I’m opening the book. Page one: the smile. You flash, then you hook. You tilt your head, you lead with the eyes — You never chase. You strategise. When he strolls by? Drop something light. Not your virtue — just your appetite. He bends to help, and while he’s low… You say, “Is it hot? Or is it just you, Joe?” ⸻ [Chorus – fast, snappy, rhythmic] This is the Man Trap Manual — read it and purr. Step one: confuse him. Step two: infer. You don’t need looks (but they do assist) — Just a little swing and a flick of the wrist. Get him flustered, off his game, Call him Larry when his tag says James. Smile like sin, say “I’m just being nice.” Then act surprised when he asks you twice. ⸻ [Verse 2 – more confident, a little sassier] Beware of charmers — they know their moves. Counteract with hips and a pair of good shoes. A hand on his arm, a sigh through your nose… “Oh, I do love a man who starches his clothes.” Give him compliments he doesn’t expect — “Such lovely wrists. Your gait is direct.” Then walk away with a casual twist — Let the tension simmer. (Boom) Add to list. ⸻ [Chorus – ensemble joins, jazzy echo lines] It’s the Man Trap Manual! Use with care. You’ll catch ‘em so fast, they forget to prepare. Don’t wait for fate — seduce with skill! It’s less about love, more about thrill. He thinks he’s hunting — oh, how quaint. You’re the saint? Darling, you ain’t. Flutter, fluster, then you vanish from view — Lesson three? Always leave him pursuing you. ⸻ [Bridge – dreamy parody, slow motion glamour] Oh, some girls bake… Some write prose… I just know how to step on toes. Not to wound, just to tease — And leave ’em begging on their knees. ⸻ [Final Chorus – big band, tap shoes, chaos] It’s the Man Trap Manual! Gold and true! I used it on Charlie… and the Captain too. It works on lieutenants, barbers, cooks — Even the chaplain gave me looks. It’s science, art, and moral decline — But oh, what a perfectly thrilling design! So take it from me, the ship’s resident scandal… You don’t need a man — you need a manual. [Final spoken line – sly grin, book snap shut] “Class dismissed.”
