[Verse 1] Sergeant Jones got a badge and a frown He sits in the back office all week in town Papers stacked high, staring at evidence logs While the coffee goes cold by the file cabinet frogs He stamps forms with a jaw so tight Then steals two eclairs in plain sight Says, “I’m on it,” with powdered sugar on his nose Man, everybody knows [Pre-Chorus] He’s got rules for you and me But not for that pastry tray He says, “One more bite, no harm” Then drifts right off that way [Chorus] Sergeant Jones Full-time pain in the ass Sergeant Jones With a sweet tooth from the past Eat the cake Take the hint, take the rest Sergeant Jones Buddy, you should just retire Sergeant Jones Full-time pain in the ass Sergeant Jones And the siren’s second class One more donut And the whole block sees the mess Sergeant Jones Buddy, you should just retire [Verse 2] He says “citizen,” then misreads your name Hands on his hips like he won the game Keeps a stash of caramels in the desk drawer door Then claims he “found” them on the floor He tries to look stern in the summer heat But the fan in the office barely beats He chases a case through a stack of pies Then he’s out of breath by five-oh-five [Pre-Chorus] He’s got the look, but not the pace And a cream puff grin on his face One foot in the job, one foot out That’s what we all shout [Chorus] Sergeant Jones Full-time pain in the ass Sergeant Jones With a sweet tooth from the past Eat the cake Take the hint, take the rest Sergeant Jones Buddy, you should just retire Sergeant Jones Full-time pain in the ass Sergeant Jones And the siren’s second class One more donut And the whole block sees the mess Sergeant Jones Buddy, you should just retire [Bridge] He’s got a badge that’s worn real thin And a belly that’s trying to win Clock out, Jones, let the rookies run You already did enough, old son [Breakdown] Retire Retire Retire, Sergeant Jones Retire Retire Go home with the buns [Final Chorus] Sergeant Jones Full-time pain in the ass Sergeant Jones With a sweet tooth from the past Eat the cake Take the hint, take the rest Sergeant Jones Buddy, you should just retire Sergeant Jones Full-time pain in the ass Sergeant Jones And the siren’s second class One more donut And the whole block sees the mess Sergeant Jones Buddy, you should just retire
