[Intro – Quiet, Thinking Aloud] One page Two decades Make it relevant Make it measurable Make it human For the machine [Block 1 – “Managed”] Managed... No “Led” sounds stronger Led... No Everybody leads Directed? Oversaw? Spearheaded? Who the hell says “spearheaded”? Owned I owned the project No The company owned the project I just saved it Every Friday [Block 2 – “Improved”] Improved the process Too weak Transformed the process Too vague Revolutionized the process That’s a lie Optimized? Streamlined? Reengineered? It worked better When I was finished Why isn’t that a bullet point? [Chorus – Sudden Release] I DID THE WORK! I solved the problem I built the thing I fixed what broke I took the call I stayed until it worked Why isn’t that enough? Two hundred forty-seven versions of me Each one correct Not one of them complete Scan me Score me Rewrite me Reject me DEATH TO THE A.T.S! [Block 3 – “Reduced”] Reduced the cost by... How much? Ten percent? Fifteen? Twenty? They need a number Can they prove it? Can I prove it? Reduced the cost significantly No The machine doesn’t understand “Significantly” Reduced operating costs By twelve point five percent There Now it believes me [Block 4 – “Strategic”] Cross-functional Stakeholder-driven Customer-focused Results-oriented Agile Strategic Scalable Wait I don’t remember saying Any of this But apparently I’ve been doing it For twenty years [Chorus – Heavier Release] I DID THE WORK! I knew the process I knew the people I knew what failed I knew what nobody Ever wrote down Why isn’t that enough? Two hundred forty-seven versions of me Each one aligned With a different vacancy Scan me Score me Rewrite me Delete me DEATH TO THE A.T.S. ! [Block 5 – “Delivered”] Delivered strategic solutions Version forty-three Delivered scalable solutions Version forty-four Led the delivery Of scalable strategic solutions Version forty-five Led strategic delivery Through scalable solution leadership Version forty-six What does that even mean? [Bridge – Version History] Version one Honest Version twelve Stronger Version thirty-seven Optimized Version eighty-four Aligned Version one hundred six Executive Version one hundred ninety Humanized Version two hundred forty-seven Unrecognizable [Final Chorus – Full Catharsis] I AM NOT A KEYWORD! I am the problem solved Before the meeting I am the call answered After midnight I am the mistake admitted Before it grew I am twenty years of work That your machine Cannot reduce Two hundred forty-seven versions of me All of them acceptable Except the actual me Scan me Score me Rewrite me Reject me Take your verbs Take your score Take your artificial relevance DEATH TO THE A.T.S.! [Silence] [Spoken, Exhausted] Fucking A.T.S. I give up I am gonna be a YouTuber
