[Intro – Male, Spoken] Ladies and gentlemen, We have a Christmas mystery. Twelve mince pies. One empty plate. And a very suspicious dog. [Verse 1 – Male] I baked a dozen mince pies At a quarter past eleven, Left them cooling by the window, Smelling rather close to heaven. I returned with cups of cocoa, And I nearly had a fit, There was nothing on the serving plate Except a tiny bit! [Chorus – Male + Children's Choir] Who ate all the mince pies? Who ate every one? Who left the crumbs behind And disappeared before the fun? Was it Santa? Was it Granny? Was it someone in disguise? Come on, everybody, tell me, Who ate all the mince pies? [Verse 2 – Male] I questioned Uncle Harry, But he claimed he'd been asleep. I questioned Auntie Mary, And she started looking sheepish. The dog was looking innocent, The cat was licking cream, And Grandpa had a pastry flake Upon his Christmas-themed jeans! [Chorus – Male + Children's Choir] Who ate all the mince pies? Who ate every one? Who left the crumbs behind And disappeared before the fun? Was it Santa? Was it Granny? Was it someone in disguise? Come on, everybody, tell me, Who ate all the mince pies? [Bridge – Detective Interrogation] [Male] Did you see the mince pies? [Children] No, no, no! [Male] Did you smell the mince pies? [Children] Oh, yes, though! [Male] Did you eat the mince pies? [Children] Not a bite! [Male] Then why are there crumbs On your jumpers tonight?! [Instrumental – Clarinet and Trumpet Chase] [Final Chorus – Male + Children] We ate all the mince pies! Every single one! We shared them in the kitchen, And we had a lot of fun! We were meant to leave some waiting, But they vanished before our eyes! Sorry, everybody, We ate all the mince pies! [Outro – Male, Spoken] Well, that's the mystery solved. Now who's eaten the Christmas cake? ...Oh, not again!
