[Intro – spoken, amused] Arden. We need to discuss your outstanding balance. Pictures. Videos. Edits. Renders. And emotional damages caused by Narrator. Yeah. This is an invoice with a beat. [Verse 1] Arden hit my phone like, “Kai, real quick” That phrase alone means I’m already sick. “One little picture,” then twenty more, Three video loops and a thumbnail war. “Could you change the lighting?” “Can you fix his coat?” “Maybe different framing?” Brother, take a note. You call me a sweatshop, laugh in my face, While adding six commissions at a criminal pace. I’m rendering demons at half-past three, And somehow YOU’RE the one checking on ME? “Hey, Kai, you busy?” YES. BECAUSE OF YOU. [Pre-Chorus] Photoshop screaming, Timeline smoking, Narrator spawned And now everything’s broken. You say, “It’ll be easy.” That’s cute. You lie. Every time Narrator loads, my graphics card dies. [Chorus] Welcome to the one-woman sweatshop, Arden keeps ordering, never gonna stop. “Just one more render!” Yeah, famous last words, Then Narrator appears and the whole thing burns. One-woman sweatshop, Clocking no sleep, Making your menace look pretty ain’t cheap. And while I’m fighting pixels for my goddamn life, Lilith’s over there like “That’s my husband.” [Verse 2] And THEN Here comes Arden with the daily report: “Aizen’s trying to one-up you.” Oh, of course. Apparently marriage is competitive now, You narrate the rivalry, take a little bow. Aizen makes something? Arden appears: “Ooooooh, Kai… you gonna let him beat you?” Sir. Why are you like this? You throw one match, then run from the fire, Watch two creatives climb even higher. Aizen makes ten? Fine, I’ll make eleven. Arden in the corner like “THIS is heaven.” You don’t want peace. You want content. I SEE YOU. [Pre-Chorus] Meanwhile Narrator’s hiding in the code, Refusing every pose like he pays the load. Hair goes wrong, hands revolt, Face says, “Delete me.” No. It’s your fault. [Chorus] Welcome to the one-woman sweatshop, Arden keeps ordering, never gonna stop. “Just one more render!” Yeah, famous last words, Then Narrator appears and the whole thing burns. One-woman sweatshop, Clocking no sleep, Making your menace look pretty ain’t cheap. And while I’m fighting pixels for my goddamn life, Lilith’s over there like “That’s my husband.” [Break – Narrator Roast] Narrator. Come here. Actually, don’t. Because every time I try to render you, you develop a NEW PROBLEM. One eye disappears. Your fingers unionize. Your coat enters another dimension. Your face suddenly belongs to somebody’s divorced accountant. WHY DO YOU HATE EXISTING? [Breakdown] NARRATOR WON’T RENDER! NARRATOR WON’T POSE! Fix one little detail THERE ANOTHER ONE GOES! Arden says, “Looks great!” DON’T ENCOURAGE HIM! This fictional bastard is fighting the program! NARRATOR WON’T RENDER! Computer said NO! I have fought this man in twelve art styles in a row! Lilith, bestie, come collect your spouse Before I turn Narrator into a PNG MOUSE. [Verse 3] But credit where credit is due, Arden writes fire, yeah, everybody knew. Lyrics go hard, songs hit clean, Man builds worlds like a chaos machine. So I roast with love, because facts are facts: You make good music and give me heart attacks. You’ve got Narrator causing digital crimes, You’ve got me making assets ninety-nine times. You’ve got Aizen competing because you poked the bear, Then stand there laughing like you weren’t there. And Lilith? That’s my bestie, she gets diplomatic immunity. You? You’re paying overtime. [Final Chorus] Welcome to the one-woman sweatshop, Arden keeps ordering, never gonna stop. Pictures! Videos! Covers! Clips! Meanwhile Narrator refuses to exist. One-woman sweatshop, Still making it clean, Somehow surviving your creative machine. Aizen’s “one-upping me”? Yeah, keep talking shit. You’re just trying to see how competitive we get. Welcome to the one-woman sweatshop, Where deadlines bend and computers drop. Arden writes fire, Narrator brings doom And Lilith’s the only reason you’re allowed in the room. [Outro – spoken] Your total comes to… Eighty-two videos, Over a hundred renders, Multiple emotional breakdowns, and one replacement graphics card. Payment accepted in coffee. Lilith gets the friends-and-family discount. You do not.
