You once said you had the perfect life And never knew it then— Not until you lost your mother And couldn't have that life again. I've thought about those words a lot. I wonder if someday You'll look back at another family You didn't know could go away. No, we weren't a perfect family. No one is actually perfect through and through But I walked into a family Still carrying what you'd been through. I never tried to take her place. I knew that wasn't mine. There was room to keep your mother And still let something new inside. And maybe you're too close to see it. Maybe too much hurt remains. Sometimes we don't know what we're holding Until we can't have it again. What if you had the perfect bonus family And you didn't even know? What if someday you look behind you And finally see what you let go? A dad who stayed and loved you, A woman who chose you too, Someone who never asked you To stop loving the mother you knew. What if someday those words come back With a meaning you never knew? "I had the perfect bonus life once— And I didn't know it Till I lost it too." How many women marry a father And pour themselves into his kids? How many spend their time and money Just because that's what love did? How many help build dreams for children They never gave birth to? How many sometimes give so much Their own kids get less of them too? I didn't even see that happening. I thought I was making us one. I kept believing love grew wider— That nobody had to lose someone. There were shops and trips and birthdays, There were ordinary days, There were dinners, games and gatherings, And a thousand smaller ways. It wasn't only what I gave you. It was how much I wanted in. I didn't tolerate your family. I wanted to be family with them. And through it all your mother's picture Never had to disappear. Loving me was never supposed to mean She couldn't still be near. What if you had the perfect bonus family And you didn't even know? What if someday you look behind you And finally see what you let go? Not perfect because we sometimes struggled, Not perfect because sometimes people cried— But because after losing your mother, There was still so much love on your side. What if someday those words come back With a meaning you never knew? "I had the perfect life once— And I didn't know it Till I lost it too." Maybe that day never happens. Maybe you'll never see it this way. Maybe the story you've believed Will be the story that remains. But you've learned once already How hindsight changes what we know— How something can look ordinary Until the day we watch it go. And that's why sometimes I wonder If years from now you'll see You never had to choose between Your mother's memory and me. She could've stayed your mother. I could've stayed your bonus too. There was room enough for both of us— I always made that room for you. Not every second wife would welcome Her pictures, stories, name. I never asked you to love her less So you could love me the same. I always made room for you. What if you had the perfect bonus family And you didn't know it then? What if losing it is what it takes To finally understand? You still had your father. You still had your mother's memories, her name. And you had a bonus mother who loved you Without asking that to change. Maybe someday you'll remember The words you once said were true: "I had the perfect life, And I didn't even know it..." You lost the first through no choice of yours, And only then you knew it. You got a second chance for a 'perfect' bonus family And this time . . . you totally blew it. Maybe it's still too early. Maybe only time will show. But sometimes we don't recognize The life we have Until we let it go.
