[Intro] [Spacey whoosh Echoing spaceship hum Lighter flicks] DUDE 1: Brooo… DUDE 2: Present DUDE 1: I didn’t even call attendance yet My guy DUDE 2: I heard the weed telepathically DUDE 1: Facts [Verse 1] DUDE 1: Wait… you see that? DUDE 2: The purple zebra cloud? DUDE 1: Nah Left of the zebra Right of the spinning toaster DUDE 2: Ohhh The suspicious glow in 4K [Alarms beep dramatically] SHIP COMPUTER: Warning. Approaching hostile alien battle squadron DUDE 2: Hostile? DUDE 1: Hold up Did she just say “battle”? DUDE 2: I cannot fight in Crocs Bro [Chorus] DUDE 1: Okay Game plan. We land We roll up We negotiate DUDE 2: With… a blunt? DUDE 1: It’s called “blunt diplomacy ” look it up DUDE 2: In the encyclopedia of “We High As Hell ” page 420 [Verse 2] [Metallic clank Hatch opening Weird alien gurgles] ALIEN COMMANDER: GLLLORP. IDENTIFY YOURSELVES EARTH MEAT DUDE 2: …Bro The avocado talking to me? DUDE 1: That’s not an avocado That’s the captain DUDE 2: He got guac energy ALIEN COMMANDER: WE HAVE COME TO DESTROY YOUR VESSEL DUDE 1: Or… you could hit this DUDE 2: Yeah Take a little cosmic kindness My slimy friend [Bridge] [Slow-motion lighter flick Echo; goofy “aaaah” choir pad] ALIEN COMMANDER: WHAT IS… THIS… AROMA DUDE 1: Vintage Earth herb. Notes of… couch and forgotten responsibilities DUDE 2: Grown in the sacred soil of “my cousin backyard.” ALIEN COMMANDER: WE USUALLY CONSUME NEBULA NUGS DUDE 2: Say less Nebula Nugs Meet Earth Budz DUDE 1: Intergalactic strain exchange Baby [Chorus] [Passing joints Bubbly sounds Aliens giggling] ALIEN COMMANDER: I… FEEL… FUNNY DUDE 2: That’s just your atoms vibing Big dawg ALIEN #2: ARE COLORS SUPPOSED TO HAVE FLAVORS? DUDE 1: If you tasting the colors It’s working ALIEN COMMANDER: I FORGOT WHY WE CAME HERE DUDE 2: To chill Clearly DUDE 1: To start the United Stoned Federation Obviously [Outro] ALIEN COMMANDER: NEW MISSION… PEACE… SNACKS… DUDE 2: Yo Y’all got alien munchies? ALIEN #2: WE POSSESS INFINITE CHEESE ORBS DUDE 1: Bro. They got space Cheetos DUDE 2: Cancel the invasion We moving in SHIP COMPUTER: Updating galactic records: “Battle of Sector 9” renamed to “The Great Smoke-Out.” DUDE 1: See? Weed ended a war DUDE 2: Roll credits ALIEN COMMANDER: ROLL ANOTHER [Echoing laughter Bong bubble Spaceship hum fades out]
