(Intro — Blues Guitar / Southern Horror) (Ice rattling in a glass.) Rum on the rocks, midnight on the clock, Something at the window trying to pick my lock. (Three knocks — KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK!) Dean Winchester said, “Boy, don’t open that door.” Barry Allen ran past me, then ran past me some more. (Radio static.) SCP CONTROL, WE HAVE A PROBLEM! (Freddy Fazbear laugh — HAR HAR HAR HAR!) Oh, hell nah… DROP THAT FUCKING BASS! (Verse 1 — Dirty Trap) Rum on the rocks, got the whole room spinning, Browser full of nonsense, and the night ain’t finished. PornHub on the screen, got the firewall crying, SCP-079 just hacked the Wi-Fi! (Computer voice: “ACCESS DENIED.”) I’m built like a block from a Roblox tower, Freddy in the hallway, running out of power. Bonnie got a guitar, Chica got the snacks, Foxy hit the corner doing eighty on the tracks! (Metal footsteps — CLANK! CLANK! CLANK!) Sam and Dean pulled up with the trunk full of salt, Castiel hit the lights like the power company’s at fault. Dean got a shotgun, Sam got the lore, Cas says, “I think there’s a demon in your Xbox One.” (Xbox achievement unlocked.) Barry Allen zooming through the kitchen at speed, Ate my whole damn pizza before I could breathe. I said, “Slow down, Flash, that’s my last damn slice!” He ran back through time and stole the pizza twice! (Record scratch.) (Pre-Chorus — Witch House Build) Red lights flashing, cameras go black, Something with six eyes crawling up my back. The Foundation called, said, “Stay where you are.” I said, “BRO, THERE’S A FREDDY IN MY CAR!” (Heartbeat accelerates.) Three… two… one… (Chorus — Massive Trap Drop) CONTAINMENT BREACH! THE WHOLE PLACE GONE! Freddy in the kitchen and the lights turned on! Winchesters outside with a demon in tow, Barry stole my wallet at the speed of light, YO! SCP! SCP! LOCK THAT DOOR! Something breached containment on the second floor! Batman on the roof with a grappling hook, Superman just left ’cause he saw how I look! (Gang vocals: “GET OUT! GET OUT!”) Rum on the rocks, bass shaking the floor, There’s a goddamn monster crawling under the door! CONTAINMENT BREACH! EVERYBODY RUN! The night shift started and the night ain’t done! (Verse 2 — Nerdcore / Horrorcore) Batman pulled up in the Batmobile black, Asked who let the animatronics out of the back. I said, “Ask the Foundation, they lost the damn key!” Then SCP-096 started screaming at me! (Blood-curdling scream — AAAAAAAAH!) I ain’t looking at his face, I’m looking at the ground, But Barry ran a thousand laps and still couldn’t calm him down. Superman tried to lift him, said, “This dude’s too mad!” Even Darkseid looked over like, “That’s genuinely bad.” (Deep villain voice: “I am not getting involved.”) Dean threw holy water, Sam drew a sign, Castiel stood frozen like he lost his Wi-Fi. Foxy’s in the vents, Chica’s in the hall, And the Puppet’s standing there, six feet tall! (Music box winds down.) I called the SCP Foundation, said, “Send a damn team!” They asked for my location while I screamed like a fiend. “What’s the object’s number? What’s its threat classification?” I said, “IT’S A GIANT CHICKEN IN THE BREAK ROOM EATING MY STASH, MAN!” (Alarm: “EUCLID CONTAINMENT FAILURE.”) Batman threw a Batarang, hit a light on the wall, The whole building blacked out— AND I HEARD THEM ALL! (Pre-Chorus — Dark Synth Build) Red lights flashing, cameras go black, Something with six eyes crawling up my back. The Foundation called, said, “Stay where you are.” I said, “BRO, THERE’S A FREDDY IN MY CAR!” (Distorted whisper: “It’s me…”) (Massive riser.) (Chorus — Full Bass) CONTAINMENT BREACH! THE WHOLE PLACE GONE! Freddy in the kitchen and the lights turned on! Winchesters outside with a demon in tow, Barry stole my wallet at the speed of light, YO! SCP! SCP! LOCK THAT DOOR! Something breached containment on the second floor! Batman on the roof with a grappling hook, Superman just left ’cause he saw how I look! Rum on the rocks, bass shaking the floor, There’s a goddamn monster crawling under the door! CONTAINMENT BREACH! EVERYBODY RUN! The night shift started and the night ain’t done! (Bridge — Spoken Horror Skit) (Everything cuts out. A security monitor buzzes.) SCP ANNOUNCER: Attention personnel. Multiple anomalies have escaped containment. DEAN WINCHESTER: Sam, tell me that’s not a damn bear in a purple suit. SAM WINCHESTER: Dean, that’s Freddy Fazbear. BATMAN: I work alone. CASTIEL: You are currently standing beside six other people. BATMAN: I said what I said. (Barry Allen appears in a blur.) THE FLASH: Guys, I found the exit! EVERYONE: WHERE?! THE FLASH: I forgot. I ran past it. (Long silence.) SCP ANNOUNCER: Additional warning. SCP-682 has entered the parking garage. (Glass shatters. Deep monstrous roar.) DEAN: YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! (Guitar distortion builds. Heartbeat becomes a kick drum.) ME: I’m done. I’m clocking out. (Beat slams back in.) (Outro — Horror Trap) Rum on t
